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Your Week 3 Big 12 Weekend

I am currently 8-4 ATS. This is solid work, explicable by basic probability theory. The law of large numbers will catch up with me soon and I'll be unmasked for the fraud I am. Until then, let's live the lie together, shall we?

Kansas @ Oklahoma (-19.5)

Will Bob Stoops allow a post-Texas hangover? Will he link Venables' headset to a random ham radio frequency and tell his players to disregard his hand signals? Will Lendy Holmes demand that bells be placed on KU's best blocking receiver? Kansas has enough playmakers at WR to poke Oklahoma's soft zone, but they won't be able to land a killing blow with their OL play. In the form of one Kerry Meier, I predict two consecutive weeks of Caucasian receiving yardage >100 - a humiliating blow to any Sooner defense. That's like losing a rap battle to a Mormon. On defense, the Jayhawks front 7 has the pace of Mel Torme reading The Aeneid. Phil Loadholt will try to earn back his NFL signing bonus one hold at a time. The pretty ponies will prance.

OU - 41
KU - 21

Nebraska @ Iowa State (+8)

Iowa State has two football teams. One of them is really bad. The other is the one Iowa State takes on the road. ISU was humiliated by Baylor in Waco and Nebraska had a huge moral victory by hanging with Texas Tech. Iowa State has a tendency to scrap at home. I think the Clones scrap again. I also think that there will be locusts or boll weevils in the sorghum crop or some shit and that will also prove to be a distraction. I'll think the Cyclones cover. Stop laughing at me. This really is my pick.

Nebraska - 30
Iowa St - 24

Texas Tech (-20.5) @ Texas A&M

Texas Tech played down to their level of competition last week. That should prove an impossibility against the Aggies unless Graham Harrell decides to see what it would be like to play an entire half with an eye patch. The Aggie football program has descended into caricature. The Houston Chronicle drop football coverage, recruits defect to Baylor, an Athletic Director babbles about batshit and bass boat seat cushions every week in a weekly advertisement for dementia, and the football team find new and unique ways to be slaughtered be outscored every week. The Tech O vs Aggie D is the obvious contrast in the minds of fans, but not the decisive reason for why Tech will cover this line. Texas Tech has a defense......ish. They have seven players in their starting eleven that range from really good to serviceable. This is exactly 2.333 X (repeating) as many as they usually have. They will force turnovers, they will get to Johnson/McGee/Ted the Walk-on, and generally abuse the grievous A&M OL.

Tech - 48
A&M - 14

Baylor @ Oklahoma St (-17)

The Robert Griffins are 3-3 this year, approximately 2 games better than they'd be if they were still the Baylor Bears. The kid is sublime. I would love to see Briles stick it to Golf Prick in Stillwater, but that's not going to happen. OSU will be able to run the ball at will, Dez Bryant will run as free as food stamps, and Zac Robinson will scramble for nine yards whenever he feels like it. If Oklahoma State continues to grow on defense, they're going to be a serious contender.

Oklahoma State - 52
Baylor - 27

Kansas St @ Colorado (-3.5)

Colorado's offense is what results when Injury has children with Talentless. Darrell Scott had one carry against Kansas and pronounced himself unfit to play. He has a sore ankle, a hyperextended knee, and a pulled groin. Condition much, Darrell? Six carries against Colorado State will really beat you down. Cody Hawkins continues to answer the nagging question, "What would Peter Gardere have been like as a QB if he had two broken legs?" The best cure for bad offense is really bad defense and that means Kansas State is in town. Josh Freeman has been tremendous all year. That written, Colorado's defense is still hanging in there and the strength of that defense is in their secondary and in their DL's ability to stop the run. If they can make KSU one-dimensional (not very hard) they should have the opportunity to make Freeman cough up the rock. The stakes are high in this game - literally to the point that a loss could mean a 3-9 type tailspin that will wreck Hawkins' chances of building anything in Boulder. I like the Buffaloes with their backs against the wall. God help me.

CU -31
KSU - 27

Mizzou @ Texas (-4)

Just three days ago Texas was favored by 7. Then the big money in Branson, East St Louis, Hannibal, & Springfield poured in. Actually, I think the betting public noticed that we're starting three freshmen in our nickel, that Missouri kind of likes to throw, and we gave up 389 yards and 5 TDs to Sam Bradford. Understandable. Still, I think we pull it out. I'm hoping/praying/begging that home field advantage tips the scales for us and that Aaron Williams, Blake Gideon and Earl Thomas will continue to do their best Eric Berry impersonations. Though if Blake Gideon's Eric Berry impersonation involved blackface, that would be totally inappropriate. Unless it rattles Daniel. Dude is from Southlake.

Texas - 34
Mizzou - 28

Note: I hate all of these games and think these lines are terrible. The only lines I have any confidence in are OSU/Baylor and Tech/A&M and relying on Tech and Oklahoma State as your consistent contributors is historical Fool's Gold.

Let's hear your Big 12 bets. For someone with a national perspective, check out Trips Right and his Barking Bets.