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Big 12 Runner-Up is . . .

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coming up. 80% chance I will want to kill myself in the next hour so this may end up being a short effort. Not abnormal for me, right ladies?

Murray starts the game by sprinting 35 yards and falling to the first guy that touches him. Better than anyone else ever has.

Missouri's defense looks into it.

Doesn't matter. I wonder what else is on.

That might be an incompletion. They should check.

They will. Brent Musburger has time to run downstairs and blow Bob Stoops real fast. Best way to face Bob Stoops is to go deep, Brent.

Can you imagine if Roy Miller and Jeremy Maclin had stuck with OU?

Missouri's offense look like they left their case of the dumbfucks at home. We can only hope. Don't screw us again, Daniel.

Games like this -- where both offenses are good and both start out hot -- always come down to which offense cools off first. It'll be 21 all before someone starts fumbling or dropping passes or something.

Or, for instance, getting dropped on 3rd and 2 then missing a FG.

Well, aside from the fumble-instead-of-FG I am right on schedule here.

You know the possibility does exist that OU is a better team and Sam Bradford is a better QB. We are one retirement/hire-by-someone-else from not having to do this every year, but right now? Who would you rather play if you're Florida? Us, right?

My least favorite thing about the Big 12 is the legality of the 'headlock' blocking maneuver, where the defender gets past the OL but the blocker can just put his arms across the chest of the defender, or under his shoulders like a half-nelson and somehow block him from behind. I hate that shit and it's never, ever called.

Missouri's defense has 3 NFL prospects on it.

Hmm. FX is showing X-Men 3. I hate Brett Ratner but I like the X-Men. Except that bitch Rogue. The movies ruined her. And whatever happened to Gambit? He'd the coolest one. Arizona/Arizona State and WVU/USF are playing, too. Lots of options.

Witherspoon got blocked in the back on that TD run. The replay showed it pretty clearly. I wonder if a Big 12 ref had seen Oswald shoot JFK, if he'd say anything.

Chase Daniel is top heavy. He looks like a normal sized person with twig legs and a big, fat head. It makes him look like a baby.

End of the first, Sooners up 10-0. I'm honestly not sure which of these two teams should be more ashamed. Sooners have been taking things that aren't theirs for centuries, though.

Jeremy Maclin is fast. 10-7. I still bought tickets for Milk tonight at Alamo downtown for 10pm. I heard it's good, but I don't like Sean Penn or Emile Hirsch. Whatever, beats watching this.

I'm calling it now: OUabig12trophy vs. UF.

Two kickoffs in a row from the 15. That's probably a first. 17-7.

Best case scenario for us here is Missouri gets a TD, stops OU, then scores again before the half. Here is how it will play out: Missouri FG, Sooner TD, Missouri punt, Sooner TD. Watch.

. . . that fumble happen. Is there some sort of unclutch Heisman you can win? Daniel deserves it. What a turd of a season he's had.

If you were Florida, who would you rather play in a month? If you're the Lions, who are you hoping comes out? I'm just saying, maybe the BCS is right. The good news is that we are one retirement/hire-by-someone-else from taking our rightful place.

Chase Daniel nearly fumbled again. I'd punch him in the head, if I thought he would feel it at all.

Yes, DeMarco Murray really makes this team go.

Meanwhile, Sam Bradford is a machine. I've said, since Heupel left, that the only thing holding OU back was shitty QB play. They finally have a legit one, and they might score 300+ points in 5 games.

31-7. Pssh. Our game was 35-3.

38-7. We were 32 better, not 31, suckers.

I had no idea Harvey Milk dies. Now I do. Great night for me!