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The U Just Got Yahoo! Sportsed

Charles Robinson of Yahoo! Sports details the life of booster Nevin Shapiro and his quest to become the most rampant abuser of NCAA guidelines in college sports history. Barry Switzer is blushing. The Pony Express is in awe. Cecil Newton wished he had shopped around a bit more.

The assumption is that the NCAA will never give another school the death penalty. Will Miami give its football program the suicide penalty?

Quotes from the article include, "scores of prostitutes" and "Whatever they needed . . . Nevin would provide it . . . sex, money, meals, a new TV, if their mother needed something, if they needed a ring or some jewelry. . ."

Anybody else ready to walk on at Coral Gables?

And of course the coup de grâce for the University of Miami is outlined with this Dan Wetzel article and highlighted by this picture of Bilbo Baggins Donna Shalala looking like the happiest Hobbit ever in a picture with Nevin Shapiro accepting a donation check. She might as well have been getting a lap dance.

Lack of institutional control for $1000, Alex!

Do you think any of the players taking their payoffs were as giddy as Shalala?

The icing on the cake of this college football hydrogen bomb is that many of these violations occurred on former UM athletic director Paul Dee's tenure in Coral Gables. Is that the same Paul Dee that is the current head of the NCAA Infractions Committee? You damn right it is. Is it the same Paul Dee that got a little righteous on USC's sorry ass for not knowing what Reggie Bush's parents were doing in San Diego? You damn right it is! Did you order the code red? YOU GOD DAMNED RIGHT I DID!!!

This is going to get really messy for a lot of people, and unfortunately that could include the University of Texas. The dude with his head cut off in the Hobbit Shalala Check Rubbing Glee picture is former Rick Barnes assistant, former Canes head coach, and current Mizzou head coach Frank Haith. Shapiro dishes on the funds he used to buy a recruit for Haith and says Haith thanked him in a private conversation. This didn't happen while Haith was at Texas, but you don't want Robinson and Wetzel snooping around your program no matter how clean you are. But the Longhorns aren't the only team with a little rat shit on their shoes.

Shapiro rats out the activities of former Hurricane assistants Clint Hurtt, Jeff Stoutland, and Aubrey Hill and refused to answer questions regarding former assistant Joe Pannunzio. These fine gentleman currently work for (in order of previous sentence) Charlie Strong, Nick Saban, Will Muschamp, and Nick Saban. I am sure that the Yahoo! Sports staff will give these programs a pass.

To put this in perspective, let's look at some numbers.

39 = Number of players and recruits that Shapiro alleged accepted prostituty services.

5000 = the number of dollars that Shapiro offered to knock Tim Tebow or Chris Rix out of the game. In Rix's case, we can only assume he was down large on the Seminoles.

32,683.25 = Equals the credit card tab for a 6 year period at one of the five or so strip clubs that Shapiro took players to.

He preferred to pay in cash.

83,963.52 = Equals the credit card tab for a for a 5 year period at South Beach night club Mansion.

He preferred to pay in cash.

1 = abortions he purchased for a player that fathered a child on one of the strip club outings. He didn't tell the player about it.

So, Drew Shapiro is a real scum bag. Can you ever really trust a guy named Drew?

The University of Miami Compliance department is a pretty cush job if you don't like to work. And, again, Yahoo! Sports is the shining beacon of sports journalism in the depths of the dark void that currently constitutes the profession.