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I'm Giddy For Saturday And I've Got Gettin' Away From The Cops Speed

I'm pleased. Yes, I am very pleased.

I just found out that the FX announcing crew comprises sideline chick Tim Brewster, color guy Charles Davis (very racist), and play-by-play will be provided by...

wait for it...

wait for it...


Or, as I call him, GUJO! Did you people already know this? I didn't know this. I'm ecstatic. This absolutely guarantees a triple reverse flea flicker score and several big plays.

First, the appetizers.

Tim Brewster is a Texas guy, brought Vince Young to the 40, understands what's happening on the coordinator white board, and will offer cogent commentary beyond that of a sideline lady:

"Gang, Paul Rhoads very upset with that last series. He felt that his football men should have tackled better. Then he yelled at the football men and team captain Jake Knott challenged his teammates by saying - C'mon guuuuuuys, play better! If they score touchdowns like that, we will lose this match! Paul Rhoads and Jake Knott - leaders of this Iowa State Hawkeye team! Back to you, guys!"

Additionally, Brewster is more attractive than Holly Rowe.

Charles Davis is good. He's a former player who has clearly read some books, says interesting things, and doesn't annoy you. Sometimes he lapses into announcer babble, but I think he has a producer in his ear demanding him to say, "The team that doesn't make mistakes wins today." I have no idea why we live in a world where Craig James gets to do primetime college football on ESPN while Charles Davis does FX and second tier NFL games for Fox, but this is the way of things.

Finally, GUJO!

GUJO! is my guy. His enthusiasm is absolutely real and he creates an environment similar to watching the game with a buddy in your living room. A hyper-emotional buddy with mild Tourette's. It's also unclear why this buddy is wearing a suit and make-up, but that's besides the point. Aside from GUJO!'s real deal energy, his appeal is also about danger. When the emotional stakes rise, he'll blurt out anything, and it's generally what we're all thinking at some level of our subconscious. It might be an appeal to God, it might be a politically incorrect one-liner, it might be a mockery of a head coach who won't start the guy that's dominating on the court. More often, it's a guttural noise from the deepest part of his alveoli.

If you need some reminders as to the magnificence that is GUJO! then I offer the following refresher. Soak in the ebullience:


Hey Coach, Play This Kid! (actually my favorite)

Chris Johnson: No Cop Can Catch Him

General Mash-Up Of Greatness


If GUJO! doesn't put a smile on your face, then something in you is dead.