Texas Pregamer: TCU

Editorial:

"He who controls the past controls the future. He who controls the present controls the past. He who controls the line of scrimmage is going to get the W, obvi."

The 119th installment of the greatest rivalry in Texas football is upon us once again. On Turkey Day, the mighty and glorious University of Texas Longhorns will play their traditional Thanksgiving foe and mortal enemy, the Fightin’ Texas Christian University Horned Frogs.

We are at war with TCU. We have always been at war with TCU.

Truly, the eyes of Big Brother Texas will be watching this Turkey Day, just like in 1998 when Ricky Williams rushed for 259 yards against TCU, sealing up UT’s 7th Heisman Trophy. And who could forget last year’s instant classic and much-celebrated victory on triumphant and noble Comrade Tucker’s field goal kick.

The Horned Frogs will want revenge for that one.

Do not allow, dear brother, the SEC propaganda machine to steal your heart away from the Glorious Nation of Longhorn Power™. Every wise compatriot knows that the best football is played in God’s Country - where the men are men and the football is Johnny-less.

Yes, all is good with the Big XII, whose ten members are more powerful than any mere twelve-team assembly. As they say, two and two are four. But sometimes they are five. Sometimes they are three. Sometimes twelve is ten and ten is eleven. You must try harder. It is not easy to become sane.

Regardless, by evening time on Thursday, Texas will be 9-2 or 8-3 going into a big game in Kansasland. A win against TCU would be doubleplusgood. A loss would be tripleplusnotgood.

All hail Glorious Icon Bevo. All hail Glorious Leader Dear Mack Brown. All hail the Wise Network Longhorn. All hail the Timeless Blood Feud between House Frog and House Horn. All hail. All hail.

Let’s play some football.

Thanksgiving Thankings

Thanksgiving is a time to reflect on the things for which you are thankful. With that in mind, we went to several head honchos around the Big XII and asked them what they had to be thankful for.

Mack Brown:

• URLs with my name in them
• My contractually stipulated annual $750 gift card to McBride’s Guns
• My Shipley/Acho/Griffin Clone Vats
• Clap on/clap off lighting systems

Mike Gundy:

• Axe Products!

Dana Holgorsen:

• My hair, it’s never been fuller or more lustrous.
• Seriously, it’s a blessing. I love it.
• Tavon Austin, he compliments my hair at least once a week.
• Away Games (Please, someone get me out of Morgantown)
• Please.

Gary Patterson:

• I’m thankful for the players that didn’t get arrested.
• I’m also thankful that snitches get stitches.

Bob Stoops:

• My sweet new catchphrase, "Hello!"
• Mike Stoops for helping defeat Texas
• Mark Stoops for the helpful advice against Texas
• Mack Stoops, for infiltrating Texas, and throwing the game for the family every year.

Art Briles:

• Transfers of the Lache Seastrunk variety
• Heismans of the RGIII variety
• Injuries of the Collin Klein variety

Bill Snyder:

• The great kids in our program
• Getting to coach the game I love
• The Industrial Revolution

Movie of the Week:

Silver Linings Playbook - A darkly comic and surprisingly uplifting story about the friendship between a depressed man fresh out of the mental hospital and a beautiful young woman coping with the fallout of a heartbreaking loss. What else could this be other than a metaphor for the complicated dance between Mack Brown and DeLoss Dodds?

Rental of the Week:

Dazed and Confused - Watch as a youthful gang of friends travel around Austin getting creeped on by Matthew McConaughey and, despite promises made to their coach, end up smoking everything in sight while trying to come to terms with growing up. Then after the game go rent Dazed and Confused. It’s a great movie.

Better Know a Roster

Unless you regularly read the Star-Telegram police blotter, you probably need a crash course on the frogs. And with all due respect to Steele Jantz and the greater Jantz family, TCU may have the greatest named team in the Big 12 right now. Here’s a few of our favs:

• QB - Trevone Boykin – Last name is a curse stand-in for some of the more wholesome students in Fort Worth - it is Texas Christian University, after all. "That touchdown was un-Boykin-believable." "Bro, those Kappas over there are extremely Boykin-able."
• K - Jaden Oberkrom - Shares a name with little known Norwegian cross-country skier and moose tamer, Jaden Oberkrom. Or maybe it’s actually all one guy. We’re not sure.
• WR - Skye Dawson – "Whoah brah - did you ever think about how when I’m throwing a pass to Skye, I’m also throwing it into the sky???" said Casey Pachall to no one in particular.
• RB - B.J. Catalon – His dad often speaks fondly of that trip to Spain. His mom? Not as much.
• DC - Dick Bumpas - D-Coordinator by day, porn star name generator by night.
• WR Connor O'Modhrain & DS Griffin Fauntleroy - Game Name of Thrones!
• Aviante Collins - Seriously pronounced Avian. This is the world’s 1st silent "te."
• Halapoulivaati Vaitai - Well... Boykin.

UT’s Six Degrees of separation with turkey bacon:

(please dear god, no one eat turkey bacon for Thanksgiving)

• Scott Brooks is an alum of TCU. He is the coach of the Oklahoma City Thunder. Kevin Durant is the star of OKCT. Kevin Durant is a Longhorn.
• The guy who started 1-800-Flowers is an alum of TCU. A rose is a flower. Vince Young murders and destroys in this thing called the Rose Bowl. Vince Young is a Longhorn.
• Rod Roddy was an alum of TCU. Rod Roddy was the announcer of The Price is Right. Aaron Paul was on the price is right. He wore a Texas shirt.
• Ivory Christian played football at TCU for one season and was the subject of the book Friday Night Lights. They made a movie based on that book. Based on the movie, based on the book, Peter Berg made a TV Show. Mack Brown made a cameo in that TV show. Fun fact - Mack Brown is the coach of the University of Texas football team.
• Griffin Gilbert is currently a Tight End for TCU from Lake Travis... Nope. No connection there. Have fun TCU.