The Texas Pregamer: TCU

It's been a big week. You want bowl eligibility? We got that. QB commitments? Just move Swoopes to TE and Heard to Long Snapper. Want to start the season against Notre Dame? Don't say we never got you anything for the holidays.

But forget the small peanuts --the biggest game of the season is happening this Turkey Day in ATX. That's right folks, in the age of meritocracy and new-fangled playoff brackets drawn up in secret playoff committee meetings, there are still a few true American patriots who follow the old ways. And those ways lead through DKR.

The belt. The CHAMPIONSHIP BELT. Is coming.

The Belt Championship, the one TRUE determinant of football greatness, will be on the line. Originally claimed by the 1970s Cornhuskers (a pretty ok team by most standards), it has been passed through the ages without the need of any pollster or even Condoleezza Rice to award. It can only be taken by force.

The Belt does not lie. It has no SEC bias. The Big 12 has defended the belt from all comers since West Virginia used it as a bargaining chip to leapfrog Louisville into the Big 12 (probably), thus making us the best conference. This is very important and totally scientific.

How epic is the belt? UT claims more National (4) than Belt Championships (3). Our first came courtesy of some dreadlocked fella against the Aggies in 1998. Not to be outdone, we won the belt back 8 years later in Pasadena against the Trojans, furthering the legend.

Alas--the belt giveth, the belt taketh away. We won the belt back in 2008 just one week before a certain game in Lubbock happened (a reign that even Melvin Gordon would scoff at). We lost another shot, barely a year later, thanks to a Colt McCoy shoulder stinger.

So here we stand - one win gives us the championship, two lets us keep it all off season. Are you adequately pumped? Watch out TCU. There's a train coming down these tracks. And it's headed for Belt Town.

Hook ‘Em

Better Know a Roster

Ranthony Texada (CB, RS FR) - This sounds like the name and email I would give for those aggressive GreenPeace petitioners on The Drag. "R...anthony. Yea, Ranthony, Tex...ada"
Ty Slanina (WR, SO) - His last name sounds like an extremely foul slang for certain parts of the female anatomy.
Matt Joeckel (QB, SR) - Held reigning Heisman trophy winner off the field for at least 2 quarters last season, until Drake and LeBron intervened and arranged for his transfer to TCU.
Grayson Muehlstein (QB, FR) - This one is just solid.
Devin Killpatrick (WR, JR) - He transferred to TCU from Bacone College, which was one letter away from making me regret my undergraduate choice.
George Baltimore (S, RS FR) - I learned valuable life lessons from Teen Wolf's Coach Finstock. "Never get less than twelve hours sleep; never play cards with a guy who has the same name as a city; and never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body."
Frank Kee (OG, JR) - Joins "John Nee", "Sue Zee," and "Wenn Dee" as Asians whose parents took the whole "naming your kids like its the 1950s" a bit too literally. [Note: Mr. Kee may or may not be Asian]
Joseph Noteboom (OT, RS FR) - Coach Muschamp's graduation rates weren't any more impressive than his offense, but renaming Study Hall "NOTEBOOM" did get a few kids Turnt Up for Calculus.
Tayo Fabuluje (OT, SR) - Pronounced Fab-Boo-Lo-Zaye; was actually Ru Paul's original working name.
Dominic Merka (TE, JR) - Can you imagine Angela Merkel's son playing TE? Hell, can you imagine Angela Merkel herself playing Tight End? [shudders]
Michael Mosharrafa (DE, SO) - Mike prepped at Brophy College Preparatory. We can only assume he went by Brosharrafa.

games

Thanksgiving Thankings

Player development and core values, for serious
LHN, the UT athlete career backup plan
The prestigious lineage of Professor John Daly's student teachers
The prestigious lineage of female LHN reporters
Sweat-free Gary Patterson, smiling Nick Saban, Daje Johnson, and other rare sightings
The beacon of sunlight that glints off Charlie's head, lighting our way
"Shout Yourself Skinny", the self-help tapes narrated by Vance Bedford
David Ash, best of luck friend
Bruce Chambers' new novel, "Office Politics"
Our opponent being from the greater DFW, for comments/pageviews' sake
The Purple Wedding
An excuse to wear bucket hats again
The hiring of Ron Artest/Metta World Peace/The Panda's Friend as the new Longhorn Director of China Basketball Operations #growthebrand
Pat Moorer's sixth consecutive staring contest championship
Being able to say Matthew McConaughey is a UT alum and it be a good thing
OK, we'll say it... bowl eligibility

Forecast

VY Pump Fake: It turns out, all of that rage Pat Moorer has been internalizing is because he's pissed he has to coach on Thanksgiving, his most favoritest of holidays. The fury becomes so intense that he literally starts shooting lasers from his eyes. Pandemonium breaks out, the game is canceled, but the Horns are awarded the W because Mark Emmert is terrified of Pat Moorer. Fear Pat Moorer.

TejasChaos: Thanksgiving has a funny way of bringing out "the feels" every year. But I'm done giving. It's time to take back our swagger, our home field, and THE BELT. Tonight we dine on Fried Frogger.

Kyle Carpenter: I've been watching Big Lebowski, Kingpin, and the 1994 remake of The Flintstones nonstop since we left Stillwater. WE'RE GOING BOWLING, BABY! I suggest the Horns pull a Coach Popovich and rest all of their starters for the postseason.