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Saturday CFB Open Thread

NCAA Football: South Dakota State at Texas Christian Jim Cowsert-USA TODAY Sports

Welcome to Week Two of College Football or, as it’s affectionately come to be known, Seal Clubbing Saturday!

Following a spate of awesome, high-profile matchups in Week One, Week Two feels like the time for power programs to rest up, get right and throw their fans a bone after filleting a hapless opponent from the G5, FCS or a local YMCA. A number of sweet, fluffy baby seals will be gazing up trustingly at the nice men with billy clubs (and their kind ADs who’ve sold their bludgeoning to the baying mob like Proximo in Gladiator.)

We’re going to play a game? I love games!

Some of the victims include:

Charleston Southern at Florida State

Troy at Clemson

Western Kentucky at Alabama

Louisiana-Monroe at OU (OK, so maybe this one will be a contest)

Jacksonville State at LSU (Hell, this one might be too if the Tigers’ pre-Cambrian offense can’t get out of its own way)

Wofford at Ole Miss

God loves a terrier!

Will UTEP at Texas prove to be another wildly overmatched opponent destined for a brutal beating? Let’s hope so!

It’s not all Must-Avoid TV, though. There are a few noteworthy games on today’s slate, including:

  • Bert Bielema’s group of imposing hogs squealing shoats on the OL trying to get right after a game of being put on Raulerskates by the mighty LaTech Bulldogs. Can they sort themselves out against Gary Patterson’s TCU defense, who had issues of their own in surrendering 41 points to San Diego State?
  • Butch Jones and the Fighting Flat Tops of Rocky Top looking to shake off Week One’s horror show against Appalachin State and move the ball against an under-talented but game VaTech squad.
  • Baylor Attrition Watch, Week Two as the Bears take on SMU and continue their bid to reach conference play with more than 60 healthy scholarship athletes. Will SMU be the first team to expose the Bears’ utter depletion along the defensive front?
  • The Ethanol Subsidy Bowl as Greg Davis’ Iowa Hawkeye squad takes on Matt Campbell’s Cyclones. Whether you hated the old Texas regime or are still seething about the new one, this game should provide you with at least one talking point!

We’re unlikely to see any individual heroics to match Friday night, when Louisville’s Lamar Jackson treated the Syracuse defense the way Andrew Jackson treated the Cherokee. Still, though, Saturday should be a bit a fair bit of entertainment as we wait to find out whether the Miners have a surprise in store: