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DJ Durkin Concert Disappoints Fans, Draws Critical Acclaim

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Maryland v Texas Photo by Tim Warner/Getty Images

DJ Durkin, the controversial DC area rapper with a national cult following, debuted today in Austin to critical acclaim but widespread fan disappointment. The controversial artist, who only wears red, but denies any gang affiliation, was billed as having wicked beats overlaid by complex socially conscious lyrics. However, local Austinites complained about a disjointed, strange performance with poor sound quality.

University of Texas sophomore Willow Hasselhoff was just one of many disgruntled fans who felt the much hyped DJ Durkin concert at DKR Memorial stadium on Saturday didn’t deliver on lofty expectations.

“He came out and everyone was excited to hear him because we don’t get really authentic East Coast rap here, but the audio was terrible. I barely heard his lyrics. He seemed like just a middle aged white guy wearing Dockers and a baseball cap. I didn’t get it.”

Standing nearby, Dallas native Kevin Simmons agreed.

“This event was some bullshit in my opinion. He came out with these bodied up bodyguards dressed like the Road Warriors tag team and he’s wearing this old school headset like Bobby Brown in the My Prerogative video and I’m ready to have my mind blown, but he just seemed to fizzle. Dude is corny, in my honest estimation.”

Hasselhoff agreed.

“I was like so confused. Then I saw this other white guy wearing black on the other side of the stage and I’m thinking they will battle rap each other like in Hamilton, but mostly that guy looked confused and sad. You couldn’t hear his microphone either.”

But at least one concert goer disagreed. Rolling Stone music critic Chang Horowitz-Smuggington felt that the concert was ground-breaking.

“The brilliance of DJ Durkin not performing for the crowd and ignoring them is that he forces us to question the very idea of entertainment. He’s commenting on the Kardashianification of America. He’s questioning it all - gender identity, race, class and it’s all within the rubric and construct of desconstructing those things playfully but also reckoning with them seriously and forcing us to question the very idea of the interrogative as methodology. I liken him to Mandela. But with more universal appeal. And an Under Armour sponsorship.”

The critic paused and shrugged at the angry, confused crowd filing out.

“These people are troglodytes who don’t comprehend genius. Thirty years from now, we will lament how we drove him away and forced him to take his own life in a final act of lithium fueled masturbatory madness. His blood is on all of our hands.”

Horowitz-Smuggington took another vape from his vape pen.

“And you wonder why he’s wears red?”

DKR Memorial employees will have to work fast to get the venue back into shape. The University of Texas plays its much anticipated Saturday home opener tomorrow against the University of Maryland.