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Order has been restored to the universe

Posted by HenryJames on November 5th, 2009 under Baseball

Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha!

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67 Responses

  1. Eff.

  2. Fuck you.

  3. Your triumphs mean nothing. You can sit on it and rotate.

  4. ok so you won at baseball…
    yay?

  5. With the Clipper Cooper laugh, no less. Awesome.

  6. Clipper Cooper seems like the type to be a Yankee fan. Arsenal too I’d bet.

  7. f matsui.

  8. If there is a God, Clipper went to a World Series game, and Scipio will share his thoughts with us.

  9. Let me put this amazing accomplishment into perspective:

    Yankees : 1 World Series Championship this decade :: Texas : 1 conference championship under Mack Brown

  10. Greatest sports franchise in history.

  11. Worst fans in sports history, evidenced by one HenryJames texting me in Japanese all night:

    Matsui! (homerun)
    Matsui! (single)
    Hiroshima’d!
    Matsui! (double)

    At least you spared us the 27th Heaven! headline every paper in the northeast ran with this morning.

  12. How much wood can a Japanese wood chuck chuck if that wood chuck has 55,000 porn videos and is swinging a 31 ounce bat? Apparently enough wood for an MVP.

  13. $208,097,414 apparently well spent.

  14. But what is that in yen?

  15. Settle down, people. You need some context.

    Among the other things HenryJames likes:

    Fauxhawks
    Sleeveless shirts
    Biodegradable paper towels
    ‘Microbrews’ by Annheiser-Busch
    The Luke and Laura episodes of General Hospital
    Dodge Caravans
    Scattergories
    Al Capone Cognac-Dipped Cigarillos
    Re-runs of Blossom.
    Whoaaah!
    Ewok fan-fiction
    Pina Coladas
    Bowling on television
    Parachute pants
    and
    Bell Biv DeVoe

  16. HenryJames is the George Steinbrenner of Barking Carnival. Feared by some, mocked by many, loathed by all.

  17. But, the real question is, of the seven runs the Yankees scored last night, how many would have been charted as “consistent” runs?

  18. ¥18,852,818,800 give or take…

  19. The Statesman went with the politically correct “Godzilla” headline over a picture of Matsui.

    Waited in vain for the Pedro = Mothra analogy.

  20. Game 6 was like watching an old Godzilla movie where Tokyo is replaced by Philadelphia. I assume Matsui’s imaginary wife will be quite pleased when Matsui brings newspaper clippings of the game into her dungeon and reads them aloud.

    Go Yankees!

  21. Godzilla? That’s pretty offensive. It’s “Godzirra,” thank you.

  22. …And Dude, Chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature, Asian-American, please…

  23. Easily the greatest franchise in the history of all professional sports. Though I say that without confidence when I think about obscure, Arab polo leagues that play with the severed heads of the unclean. I mean, do those guys get paid? Is one severed head polo league particularly dominant like the Yankees? I can’t say with certainty. I just don’t know.

    Has anyone ever won a noodling title 27 times? I don’t want to speak out and sound absurd.

  24. Nine years. 1.6 billion in payroll. One championship. Yaaawwwwnn…..

    Now with the end drawing near and another championship in hand, George should wheel himself out on the terrace of his highrise, shit his pants, and execute a beautiful swan dive. My only prayer is that he lands on the fucking ‘Donald’…

  25. Yankees, live long and prosper -
    Congrats from the crew of the Enterprise.

  26. HenryJames has high regard for Hideki Matsui’s baseball acumen. He has even higher regard for Matsui’s accomplishments as a collector of pornographic material.

  27. Congrats…the Evil Empire was finally able to purchase a championship.

  28. Always the complaints about payroll.

    Yeah, it’s so unamerican to cycle funds into your product in order to overcome competitors. Clearly they were willing to sacrifice the Underpaid, Yet Admirably Gritty and Continued to Fight in Spite of a Flailing Organization Title for a well executed dedication to winning AL pennants and championships.

    Perhaps they should go bankrupt in order to garner real respect.

  29. Actual Reality said:

    November 5th, 2009 at 11:18 am

    Congratulations to your…….

    World Champions… Cobra Kai!
    World CHampions… Prison Guards from the Longest Yard!
    World Champions… Decepticons!
    World Champions… Judge Smails!
    World Champions… Omega House!
    World Champions… Cruella DeVille
    World Champions… Yankees!

    Same thing.

  30. You know how much money they make? They’d be crucified if they didn’t spend it to put a good product on the field.

  31. “Rooting for the Yankees is like rooting for the house when you’re in a casino. Yeah! 22! You’re bust, motherfucker! My dealer owns you.” — Doug Stanhope

  32. I paid like $11 for this Miller Lite at Yankee Stadium, and I don’t even like Miller Lite. But it was either that or give the money to a homeless guy.

  33. Your hand looks like a monkey’s foot.

  34. Quite a crowd that day.

  35. It was a decent crowd but everyone in that area cleared out in fear of monkey foot hand guy.

  36. Yeah, the guy wearing the $4000 suit is going to let the guy who doesn’t make that in four months sit near him. Come on!

  37. he needs some of those glove shoe thingy’s that helped chrisapplewhite learn to dunk.

  38. If I’m licking my screen does that mean I have a problem?

  39. There was a one-armed guy sitting to the left, but it wasn’t Jim Abbott.

  40. Always the complaints about payroll.

    And why not? It’s easy to win when you can just go out, open the checkbook and make all of the big name stars offers they can’t refuse. The joy of following sports is witnessing the triumph of strategy, discipline and tactics. That’s the reason so many fans are drawn to stories like Moneyball. It’s also the reason many of us have little to no respect for Greg Davis. There’s nothing interesting about a collection of superior athletes simply out-muscling a group of inferior athletes. The real intrigue in sports comes from evenly matched opponents (or underdogs) winning on the strength of superior intellect and training.

  41. Top 5 Sports hates, in order of significance:

    Oklahoma Sooners
    Notre Dame
    Texas A&M
    Washington Redskins
    New York Yankees

    F ‘em all.

    Hook ‘em!!!

  42. “Oklahoma Sooners
    Notre Dame
    Texas A&M
    Washington Redskins
    New York Yankees”

    One of these teams is not like the others.

  43. If I’m licking my screen does that mean I have a problem?

    Yes. It means you have a chimpfoot fetish.

  44. On further inspection, I’m pretty sure that’s a picture of Mila Kunis holding a beer. With her foot.

    http://cm1.theinsider.com/media/0/65/55/mila_kunis_7.0.0.0×0.420×560.jpeg

  45. I burned it. Down to the ground.

    There was money in that banana stand.

    Well, it’s all gone now.

    There was $250,000 lining the inside walls of the banana stand.

    What?

    Cash, Michael. What the hell did you think I meant when I said…
    There is money… in… the banana stand.

  46. “Yes. It means you have a chimpfoot fetish.”

    DON’T JUDGE ME. I WAS BORN THIS WAY

  47. We’re not judging you but you need to show some self restraint and stop licking the monkey foot hand. Geez.

  48. Hi!

  49. Not even close, Lakers. Now go get your fucking shine box.

  50. Now HJ just has to see about his other two favorites, the IRS and Breast Cancer.

  51. When HJ role plays with his partner which one is Billy Martin and which one plays Steinbrenner?

  52. Yankee = opposite of all things Texas.

    If you are a fan of anything yankee related, and you live in, were born in, or are a fan of the Great State of Texas, then you sir, are broken.

  53. no head rolling in thte middle east. not even a child camel jockey to be found any longer:

    http://www.nzherald.co.nz/justin-huggler/news/article.cfm?a_id=102&objectid=10415482

  54. so what sport is this again?

  55. Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha!® said:

    November 5th, 2009 at 3:33 pm

    Hi!

  56. Jigglebilly said:

    November 5th, 2009 at 3:39 pm

    “On further inspection, I’m pretty sure that’s a picture of Mila Kunis holding a beer. With her foot.”

    I’d still hit it, monkey foot be damned!

  57. I’d still hit it, monkey foot be damned!

    Me too. But I’d insist on talking like Charlton Heston and referring to her as a “damned dirty ape.”

  58. EyesOfTexas, I can tell by your list that you are a wise and discerning individual with exquisitely impeccable taste…

  59. sizzlechest said:

    November 5th, 2009 at 6:22 pm

    HJ has a bedazzled Yankee skin for his Treo. The fag.

  60. Bat Shit Crazy said:

    November 5th, 2009 at 6:47 pm

    This is why I love motherfucking Barking Carnival.

    Hilarious thread.

    Is the Arrested Development movie a go?

  61. HenryJames is the George Steinbrenner of Barking Carnival. Feared by some, mocked by many, loathed by all.

    I’m definitely tired of all of his macho head-games.

  62. Your triumphs mean nothing. You can sit on it and rotate.

    I fear no reprisal.

  63. Baseball impossible. Man with four balls cannot walk.

  64. http://bit.ly/i3uhp

  65. mikecrabtree said:

    November 6th, 2009 at 10:10 am

    You couldn’t get a discount on an $11 beer? Doesn’t the “but ma’am, i have a monkey-foot hand…” get you a discount? guess not when you have $200mil in bills to pay.

    -I also have to appreciate the Arrested Development references.

  66. Monkey snot said:

    November 7th, 2009 at 10:05 am

    Everyone takes a turn I guess.

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