clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

SMELL LIKE AN AGGIE TODAY

New, 23 comments

Rub it where you want to be kissed. WARNING: HAS CAUSED ANAL LESIONS AND IS UNSAFE FOR USE BY ANYONE WITH OLFACTORY PERCEPTION. USE OF SCENT IS ONLY HEAVILY CORRELATED WITH, BUT NOT PROVEN TO ACTUALLY CAUSE, UNPROVOKED SEXUAL FUSILLADE

Soobum Im-USA TODAY Sports

Texas A&M, still giddy on the unexpected catnip of going 11-2 (WHICH NO COLLEGE PROGRAM HAS ACHIEVED BEFORE EVER! WINNING, YAY!) on the strength of Johnny Manziel's rifle arm and Kardashian brain, briefly freeing them from the karmic birth to death psychological prison of small humiliations that characterize Aggiehood, have decided to extract the pollen from their brief blossoming of uncharacteristic positive national exposure to create their own signature scent.

Because what evokes stylish sophistication more than a screaming rube wearing denim suspenders?

It's the scent your stepdaughter those ladies can't resist!

The bewitching fragrance, meant to evoke a humid August Hump-It session in historic Lick Creek Park with a chain- smoking thrice divorcee named Earlene in the back cab of a leased Ford F-150 pick up truck, is a bouquet of fetching unguents: Wrangler overall ass sweat milked from a drugstore cowboy's tighty whities, three day old tobacco juice spat into a Coke can left on the dash in a College Station summer, and the salty brine of mucus and tears drawn from a UT rejection letter.

Add in a suggestion of catfish stink bait and you have a scent that playfully hints,"Yes, I might just prematurely ejaculate on your excessive eyeliner." Wink. Pageant girl wave. Wink again.

A Barking Carnival intern recently test drove the new scent in Navasota at a 4-H fish fry and reported great success with the ladies, some of them human, and at least one of them working successfully towards her court reporting degree.

The scent retails for $35 at Handy Dan and comes free with any purchase of drywall emollient greater than $50.

Or mail order it through the Bryan Texas Penny Saver & Casual Lite Shopper.

Revel in the stench of Aggieland and order now!