What a week for the good guys, huh? After seeing the USMNT get knocked out of the World Cup by a tiny, insignificant, less-resourced team called Trinidad & Tobago, the Horns were knocked out of the Big-12’s top spot by a smaller, culturally insignificant, less-resourced team called Brotherdad & Tobacco.
But look at this! A chance at instant redemption coming down the turnpike. Is that the shittier, white-trashier little brother of the “state” of Oklahoma’s music I hear? Yes, yes it is REO Speedwagon playing on the team bus/converted Pontiac Firebird Trans Am that Mike Gundy shuttles the Cowpokes in. What’s that - sounds a little Aggyish to you? Well you would be correct. Oklahoma State may have shed the A&M moniker back in 1957 but the Fightin’ Okie Aggie spirit is alive and well. Oklahoma State is so Aggie that they claimed a National Title (their only one) in 2016… for the 1945 season… in which they finished the season ranked #5 in the AP poll, behind Army, Alabama, Navy, and Indiana. #thatssoaggie
Speaking of overrated SEC teams, if we learned anything from LSU vs. Troy, it’s that the plucky upstart can beat the historical powerhouse team with 74 wins to their name since 2010 (that’d be a three-way tie for 9th between LSU, Oklahoma State, and Northern Illinois - Texas / Troy, not pictured). And Texas doesn’t even have to do it at night in Death Valley. No, Texas gets to take on that vulgar shade of prison orange at the churchly hour of 11 am. Which is too early, for even Mike Gundy to take his shirt off.
Trust in Sam and Hook ‘Em
By The Numbers
- The Fightin’ Alen Ecks have won the last 4 consecutive matchups in Austin
- UT started the series winning 22 of the first 24 matchups, but OSU has taken 5 of the last 7 overall
- The 1st time we faced off was in 1916 was at a neutral site in San Antonio
- Oklahoma State has never been ranked #1 in the AP poll (despite claiming that title)
- 75% of the OSU squad is from out of state
- The Pokes roster collectively weighs nearly 14 tons
- Texas gets the rare fortune of playing the #1 ranked offense in consecutive weeks
- Post-Maryland, Texas defense is averaging 4 points per quarter (counting overtimes), 87.4 rush yards per game.
- Sam Ehlinger is Pro Football Focus’ #7 graded Freshman, and #1 Freshman QB of 2017.
Arkansas Waterfalls for #Errbody
I don’t know if you’ve noticed it, and you probably haven’t because it flies pretty much under the radar, but Oklahoma State’s grown man (he’s now 50!) coach has a fine follicle foundation; think Captain Planet-meets MacGyver-meets Solid Snake in the flashback scenes.
He goes with the Arkansas Waterfall, but we have a few other noms-for-plumes:
The Missouri compromise. Bi-Level. El-Camino. Kentucky Beaver Paddle. Carburetor Coiff. The Davy Frockett. Oklahoma Neckwarmer. MAGA Mudflap. El Ranchero. Hockey helmet. Achy-breaky-Exterior Drapery. Camaro Cut.T ennessee tophat. The S-E-C Diploma.
And he really shouldn’t hoard all that Road House goodness to himself...
Better Know a Roster
Amen Ogbongbemiga (LB, Fr) - Can you imagine the rage when mom forces her “Undergraduate Studies” son, fresh from his first semester on the 40 Acres to pray “because that’s the way you were raised and that’s what we do in this house” only to have him hit a Crash Bandicoot sound effect to close?
Keondre Wudtee (QB, Fr) - Yup, in my Wudtee.
Madre Harper (CB, So) - In middle-school Spanish when you’re trying to work out the curse words but la profesora walks by.
Calvin Bundage (LB, So) - Heavy into the Oklahoma S&M scene. Which is oddly led by Garth Brooks’ alter-ego Chris Gaines.
Chuba Hubbard (RB, Fr) - Poor linebackers who have to try to chase him down...guess they’d be...Chuba Chasers.
Javarus Barksdale-Blair (CB, Fr) - They never tell you the story of young Javarus who got out the Franklin Terrace and went Johns Hopkins.
Sam Walkingstick (LS, So) - Ok, we get it guys. You both were told you’d never procreate and then you met on OneForumToRuleThemAll. You don’t have to burden your poor son with obscure LOTR-reference names.
Matt Kegel (OL, Fr) - Exercise Warrior, a real gym rat.
LC Greenwood (WR, Fr) - I’m actually all the way in on heavy synth Soundsystem beats over “Proud to be an American.”
Gunner Hudson - This sounds like the first names of a two-headed Southlake Carroll backfield. #Millenialsareruiningnames #Jace #Lynx
ARLINGTON Hambright (OL, Jr) - Incomparably inferior to his big brother Dallas Pancettabrilliant.
A Punter’s Chance
Ray Guy Candidate Michael Dickson currently leads the NCAA in Net average per punt and is 0.2 (48.3 ypp) behind the leader in gross average. Those are legitimately good stats as he tries to break Utah’s three-year stranglehold (3 years, 2 different punters) over the award.
And while I only 20% jokingly call him the best player on the Texas team, he is most likely only aiming for an award that specifically focuses on punting criterion.
OSU’s punter Zach Sinor, however...dreams bigger. After sharing one of the 10 spots on 2016’s Ray Guy semifinalist list, he launched Sinor4Heisman.com, which should at least get him a nod for a few Webby’s. Please take 5 minutes and read that site, watch the accompanying YouTube videos, and revel in people who take themselves the perfect amount of seriously.
Not that a UT/OSU game has ever come down to a punter before or anything...
VY Pump Fake: Now that Texas is 3-1-0-2 (W-L-T-Moral Victories), we are just one near win against a Top 10 squad from being Moral Bowl Eligible! Texas wins by a Sam Ehlinger pile push.
Kyle Carpenter: Remember when we were willing to go to court over who called our offensive plays? Miss you Big Wick, wish Tim Beck had your grasp of the pass game. Texas by a
VY Ehlinger Pump Fake. #AssassinationofCharlieStrongbytheCowardAlanEck
Rattlesnake hunt in Okeene, OK with Todd and Wild Bill. pic.twitter.com/0SqWb9LxFk— Mike Gundy (@CoachGundy) March 17, 2017
Coach Gundy is really taking this “You have a mullet like Metal Gear’s Solid SNAKE” thing a bit too literally.