Football Articles
2009 Texas Tech Football Preview: State of The Union
Posted by Scipio Tex on August 24th, 2009 under Football
I dreamed it! In my roommate's coke lab!
In 2008, Texas Tech’s Greatest Season Ever was highlighted by Michael Crabtree’s improbable last second tightrope touchdown to upset Texas. At least that’s how I remember it. I can’t seem to find the replay.
Tech concluded their Greatest Season Ever by losing a 2nd tier bowl to an Ole Miss team led by Colt McCoy’s understudy and headset Hee-Haw Houston Nutt. They rewarded Mike Leach by nearly driving him away with a contract squabble, the organizational self-awareness equivalent of Billy Joel getting rid of Christie Brinkley. Once both sides realized their mutual inability to upgrade - the key to all successful partnerships - they quickly reconciled. However, Texas Tech lost a lot from last year’s team. And I don’t mean just their dignity in Norman.
On offense, QB Graham Harrell left for greener pastures and a glorious professional future…
In retail.
Harrell was believed to be somehow different from all of the other Tech QBs with identical stat lines over the last decade. Many Tech fans, seduced by this thinking, protested when he was dismissed as a system QB and was snubbed by Heisman voters. Harrell vindicated the Tech faithful by going to the scouting combine and grading out comparably to the great Joe Namath. Present day 66 year old Joe Namath. The only thing missing was a gin-sodden pass at Mike Mayock.
The QB is always replaceable on the Plains. It’s Mike Leach. He’s smarter than you. Tech churns out QB play as efficiently as their law school pumped out JDs to the dudes from my frat with double digit LSAT scores. Let’s take a look at Leach’s new first mate, The Dread Pirate Dirty Beard:
Tech is breaking in a Wookie QB
Osama bin Lubbock will throw for 4,000+ yards and 38+ TDs and he will be just fine once he puts a few starts under his belt. Not that Tween Wolf has room under his belt – he probably has to braid his pubes and roll them up in his banana hammock like a Rastafarian so he doesn’t stumble over them when he runs, all the while lamenting that the diminutive Eric Morris is no longer around to groom his fundament like a submissive marmoset.
Potts hoops it up as a young Brandon Carter looks on
Aside from looking like he lost an epic Dirty Man bet back in 2007 (Hear me! I shall neither shave nor shower until Dennis Kucinich resides on Pennsylvania Avenue), this redneck lycanthrope is said to have a BJ Symons type arm. Red Raider fan should pray that it’s not paired with Billy Joe Tolliver’s brain.
Taylor Taliban will have a number of offensive weapons: solid system receivers, a stable of quality backs, and the fetid odor from the bits of food fermenting in his jowl merkin – a deterrent to pass rushers, women, and Kenny Chesney alike. Let’s move on from this filthy wizard who appears to have gone down on Grizzly Adams with crazy glue on his face and examine the rest of their rogue’s gallery…
Michael Crabtree will be missed. Mike put in his work every Saturday to the tune of 9 catches, 135 yards, and 2 tds. He put in work on Sundays too - supervising a pack of bare titted ladies cutting up ya-yo on his kitchen counter assembly line like the housing project scene in New Jack City. Tech fans who welcome his departure for the diversity it will lend their offense are whistling past Davy Jones Locker and operating from the same fallacy in which Texas fans rationalized that Ricky Williams leaving was a good opportunity to get more touches for Montrell Flowers in the passing game.
The Tech receiving corps will have some solid players left. Detron Lewis will lead the team in catches – mark him down for 85+, Trumain Swindall will catch another 60, speedy Edward Britton will lead them in potential big plays that end in drops, Lyle Leong will lead the team in mispronunciations by Dave Lapham.
Throw him a bomb if you’re trying to play ketchup
It’s important you know that Texas Tech has a receiver named Corndog Douglas and I pray for the day that he drops a ball that Potts throws too hard so that I can remark, “A little too much mustard there for Corndog!” and then guffaw obnoxiously until I’m silenced by the palpable scorn. I’ll do it with relish.
Tech’s OL lost a lot, but they’ll have giant bodies that can phalanx up and grab their way to three seconds of pass protection. RT Marlon Winn is a good player and I won’t be surprised if he plays on Sundays. LT Chris Olson is a probable first year starter. On September 19th he’ll line up in front of 100,000 hostile Texas fans across from Sergio Kindle after cutting his teeth against the likes of North Dakota and Rice. Tech will have a new starter the following week.
LG Brandon Carter continues his Columbine-Moody-Goth-With-The-Pituitary-Of-A-Mastodon act. It’s boring. If he unleashed the Mexican midget wrestler El Caliente (who lives symbiotically between his belly fat folds) on enemy pass rushers, I would be more entertained by his WWE shtick. Otherwise I anticipate him one day replacing Criss Angel’s terrible brooding magician act at a Connecticut Indian Casino.
Ladiiiies Annnnndddd Gentlemannnnn, Pawnatuckee Tribal Casino is proud to preeeesent Brannnnndon Carrrrrter in…DoucheBrainWarpBlitz!!
The tendency in these previews is to write “same ‘ol Tech” and be done with it, but this group does have a chance to be one of Leach’s better running teams. Talent is deep at RB – four star recruit Harrison Jeffers, the talented (and injured) Baron Batch, steady Aaron Crawford. Most importantly, they have some folks in the OL with the potential to drive block rather than just lean and screen. I never underestimate the genius of a man that can make Cody Hodges a serviceable Division I QB, but if I have one major problem with Leach it’s his refusal to be stubborn in the running game when it’s working to the tune of 6-8 yards per pop against a dime defense. He’ll abandon it like a Spartan father presented with an eleven toed newborn.
Defensively, the Red Raiders have some real challenges to surmount. For example, their players and coaching. They must challenge opposing offenses the way that defensive coordinator Ruffin McNeill challenges wicker furniture, but they don’t have the players.
DE Brandon Williams went pro early and he’s now a Dallas Cowboy.
At the other DE position, the Stephen Hawkingesque McKinner Dixon was being tutored by Dexter Manley and flunked out. He was promptly drafted by the Budapest Breakers of the Hungarian Gridiron Enthusiast League. Mike Leach called his loss “addition by subtraction” – wisdom which, if passed on to Dixon, may account for his failure to pass his college algebra class.
Coach say to add, McKinner must first…sub-track? Only then is Buddha-nature revealed. Man, what da fuck?
McKinner’s senior thesis proved daunting
I don’t know how you flunk out of Texas Tech short of jettisoning one’s excrement on a TA mid-lecture like an enraged squid presented with a calamari taunt, but apparently it happens. He’ll be replaced by Rajon Henley, a converted DT. Former JUCO Daniel Howard mans the other DE. DT Colby Whitlock also returns. He’s a battler and a guy that will get some push for you.
DT Chris Perry, who transferred to Tech from Miami - wins this year’s prestigious N****, Is You Crazy? award. South Beach for the South Plains. Latina model bunda in exchange for women who light their Marlboros with an arc welder. Seriously? Were you lured by the Gun’s Up slogan? Tech’s DL looks to be OK, but I don’t see a pass rusher. Thankfully, everyone in this league runs the Veer. They should be just fine.
Tech’s LBs consist of quality MLB Brian Duncan, a guy from the Sig Ep flag football team named Bront Bird, and a Gold’s Gym personal trainer named Marlon Williams. If you think this is starting to sound like a somewhat familiar Tech defense – spotty guys placed next to a few quality players – then you’re getting the drift.
Tech’s secondary will miss Darcel McBath (2nd round NFL draft pick) and Daniel Charbonnet (All-Big 12) at safety. They combined for double digit interceptions last year and made a lot of big plays for that defense. Their replacements remind me of West Texas topiary: specifically, scrub. Jamar Wall is a good CB and a very good athlete, but the other CB job is delirium tremens shaky and they lack quality depth across the board. I wouldn’t give a nickel for their dime.
Despite all of these losses, Texas Tech alumni look boldly to their future. They can see it, just there, on the West Texas horizon, etched against an endless azure sky:
A 8-5 record, the Independence Bowl, and happy hour at Applebees.
______________________
You might also enjoy Scipio’s 2007 - Texas Tech State of the Union which begins like this:
The grit in my eye, the wind in my face, and the chlamydia on my genitals can mean only one thing: Texas Tech, baby. Pardon me while I put in some Visine, put on a baseball cap, and get a bolus dose of penicillin so we can get this magic carpet ride started…
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bighornfan32 said:
August 24th, 2009 at 9:51 am
“Osama bin Lubbock will throw for 4,000+ yards and 38+ TDs and he will be just fine once he puts a few starts under his belt. Not that Tween Wolf has room under his belt – he probably has to braid his pubes and roll them up in his banana hammock like a Rastafarian so he doesn’t stumble over them when he runs, all the while lamenting that the diminutive Eric Morris is no longer around to groom his fundament like a submissive marmoset.”
That was a horrifying, yet hilarious paragraph.
Da free R's said:
August 24th, 2009 at 10:19 am
“Coach say to add, McKinner must first…sub-track?”
Muddahfukkah, I laft out lowd..
jonestopten said:
August 24th, 2009 at 10:26 am
“It’s important you know that Texas Tech has a receiver named Corndog Douglas and I pray for the day that he drops a ball that Potts throws too hard so that I can remark, “A little too much mustard there for Corndog!” and then guffaw obnoxiously until I’m silenced by the palpable scorn. I’ll do it with relish.”
This may be your best paragraph ever.
Nordberg said:
August 24th, 2009 at 10:27 am
Excellent work as always.
hobbs said:
August 24th, 2009 at 10:35 am
“I don’t know how you flunk out of Texas Tech short of jettisoning one’s excrement on a TA mid-lecture like an enraged squid presented with a calamari taunt, but apparently it happens.”
This was my favorite.
BatesHorn said:
August 24th, 2009 at 10:40 am
“Holding Meme”
Well played. Sir.
Trips Right said:
August 24th, 2009 at 10:53 am
Hobbs, mine too.
I also appreciate the discipline he showed by not going for the low hanging fruit that is Hanspard and Bam Morris references.
Dude’s got character.
Rusty Shackelford said:
August 24th, 2009 at 11:06 am
“Tech churns out QB play as efficiently as their law school pumped out JDs to the dudes from my frat with double digit LSAT scores.”
Priceless.
houstonearlers said:
August 24th, 2009 at 11:13 am
Their O will take a step back, but will end up fine. Not sure their D will be able to replace Dixon, Williams, and the safeties.
Tim said:
August 24th, 2009 at 11:14 am
That was honestly a pretty pathetic analysis, I really didn’t expect much from BC but this was below even my expectations.
Chris Olsen will be fine at LT and an upgrade from 27 year old flat foot Rylan Reid. Is Sergio Kindle going to burn him and get a sack off of him, yeah probably, of course he probably will off of most LT’s in the conference. Olsen will be a very serviceable Big 12 LT, and has the foot speed to do what Coach Moore ask of him, he’ll have trouble against UT and OU, but so will everyone else outside of maybe Oklahoma State’s LT.
I’m fairly confident McKinner Dixon could run circles around Jamaal Charles in the classroom, of course that’s not saying much. With Dixon it was always more of an effort problem , than an actual lack of ability to put together full sentences like Charles.
Probably should have spent more time looking at a depth chart and practice reports, and less on finding a serviceable teen wolf picture. Oh well, like I said my expectations were pretty low to begin with.
Stuck in MN said:
August 24th, 2009 at 11:19 am
The dreaded vote of no confidence from Tim. I give this site 3 weeks, tops.
bighornfan32 said:
August 24th, 2009 at 11:22 am
Its funny how ever other poster, even from other schools, like these SOTUs and realize they aren’t serious, except Tim.
Its you Tim, not everyone else.
Facebook User said:
August 24th, 2009 at 11:25 am
Let’s get back to the post, not Tim, lest he be rendered latinate.
WB_Heaven said:
August 24th, 2009 at 11:33 am
“Tech is breaking in a Wookie QB”
Holy hell.
Horncasting said:
August 24th, 2009 at 11:37 am
“I’m fairly confident McKinner Dixon could run circles around Jamaal Charles in the classroom”
only if he finds a GA to put his trike together for him.
Trips Right said:
August 24th, 2009 at 11:40 am
Honestly, I’m glad we catch these cats early in the year because I’d much rather beat them 55 to 10 than 55-24.
Flaming Tampon said:
August 24th, 2009 at 11:53 am
“Its you Tim”
Yes, I know…
Sasha_is_a_Longhorn_Dog said:
August 24th, 2009 at 11:56 am
OK. Lesson learned. Never read a Scip post when sitting in my law school carrel. Laughing can be disturbing to those actually trying to study.
ColoradoAg said:
August 24th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
Superb work.
2009 Texas Tech Football Preview: State of The Union said:
August 24th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
[...] Random Feed wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptAugust 24th, 2009 by Scipio Tex I dreamed it! In my roommate’s coke lab!In 2008, Texas Tech’s Greatest Season Ever was highlighted by Michael Crabtree’s improbable last second tightrope touchdown to upset Texas. At least that’s how I remember it. I can’t seem to find the replay. Tech concluded their Greatest Season Ever by losing a 2nd tier bowl to an Ole Miss team led by Colt McCoy’s understudy and headset Hee-Haw Houston Nutt. They rewarded Mike Leach by nearly driving him awa [...]
EDSBS » Archive » BLOGTOBERFEST: ONLY TEXAS TECH PREVIEW YOU WILL EVER NEED EDITION said:
August 24th, 2009 at 12:11 pm
[...] Meanwhile, 3,500 miles away. The only preview you will ever need for Texas Tech football is this: [...]
glenn said:
August 24th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
agree, jonestopten. i stopped there and scrolled up to check the by-line. returned nodding in approval. classic scip. one to remember.
CloseToJumping said:
August 24th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
I laughed out loud at a number of lines, but “Defensively, the Red Raiders have some real challenges to surmount. For example, their players and coaching.” is awesome in its simplicity and derision.
If Tim ever gets latinized I will seriously consider removing my $9.95 monthly membership from this site. He is hilarious and sad unintentional comedy. That is hard to find.
I agree that this is going to be a return to a more typical Tech team under Leach and in fact may be one of the worst. That defense is going to be pummeled with regularity and that offense may never really get in sync. There are a lot of moving parts to replace on the O, even if the system is brilliant. That QB/WR timing is tough to get down overnight, and the OL has to gel as well. Not good.
8straight said:
August 24th, 2009 at 12:27 pm
My money is still on the 66 year old Joe Willie.
Vasherized said:
August 24th, 2009 at 12:34 pm
I think it’s a fitting tribute that Today’s Wrestling Online linked to this preview.
I am going to enjoy every bit of agitation Tech fans go through this season and relish in their fall back to mediocrity as this preview so cogently predicts.
Rastafarian banana hammocks just don’t get enough play around here.
Tim said:
August 24th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
“lest he be rendered latinate” Say what?
“Honestly, I’m glad we catch these cats early in the year because I’d much rather beat them 55 to 10 than 55-24.”
You’re rolling with 55-10? I guess with a weak non-conference and a media ordained title run in Austin. Mack is going to need style points in a nationally televised game early.
Stayfree Super Maxi said:
August 24th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
I’ve missed you Tim…
Trips Right said:
August 24th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
Tim, let’s just say I’ll lay the 17 and start counting my money after my first bloody Mary the morning of the 19th.
Seriously, though, in what specific ways do you disagree with Scipio’s post? I mean, what would be an acceptable season from your perspective? What does your head tell you about this Red Raider team that your heart would never admit to?
As an aside, if you have it in you, come by my tailgate if you can make it down for the Tech game, and I will supply all of your boos and food. I’m dead serious.
Magnus Bleuveigner said:
August 24th, 2009 at 1:24 pm
Another Scipio post equals more quality time between me and the dictionary.
“He’ll abandon it lika a Spartan father presented with an eleven toed newborn.”
That’s the best if you let it go visual. I see Gerard Butler going live birth aborter and holding said newborn like John Matrix did to Sully in Commando, chortling the whole while.
As far as the football side of Tech, I’m excited to watch the kid that they pickpocketed from OU. Also, last year might not mean much to them this year, but they’ve got two damn good 2010 verbals from Florida wr’s. Until they get some defensive playmakers, same old Tech indeed.
ChicagoTTU said:
August 24th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
So if Tech reverts back to their old ways, what gimmies do they drop? Who are the upset candidates?
Magnus Bleuveigner said:
August 24th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
Texas, Oklahoma, Ok. St. are for sure losses.
Baylor, Kansas, Nebraska are probable to potential losses.
UH is a possible loss. I was at a Rice practice the other day and the Rice coaches were predicting an UH win. Obviously they’d like that to happen, so just for whatever it’s worth.
Trips Right said:
August 24th, 2009 at 1:46 pm
I see sure losses to Texas, OU, OSU and Nebraska.
Baylor, Kansas, Houston are toss ups with your defense. Especially Houston. A road night game a week after your young offense is prison raped by Texas is going to be tough to show up for.
Layups are tamu, north dakota, Rice, KSU and UNM.
Seven wins will be a good year for you.
ufgatorfan97 said:
August 24th, 2009 at 3:18 pm
This was the funniest piece of writing I’ve seen this year. 100 HTs to you.
mojave_reject said:
August 24th, 2009 at 4:26 pm
I laughed all the way through. You’re better at the funny than the power rankings.
rptgwb said:
August 24th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
Oh, sweet Jesus, this is greatness.
Tim said:
August 24th, 2009 at 4:44 pm
“Seriously, though, in what specific ways do you disagree with Scipio’s post?”
There was very little real analysis in it, just a weak attempt at slap-knee 6th street comedy. He missed some key contributors in the WR core, if he would have read some practice reports he would have noticed that Tech’s WR’s depth is more than just Lewis/Swindall/Britton/Leong. Leong probably won’t even start at Z, Alexander Torres will most likely start. While no where near the athletic ability of Crabtree, the guy catches everything and will be a consistent chain mover. Austin Zouzalik is going to follow in the Wes Welker/Danny Amendola/ Eric Morris mold and should be a solid contributor at the slot receiver. Leach has said multiple times that even though he has lost Crabtree and Morris, he thinks this group will be better than last years. Whether they actually will or not will be up to Potts and the OL.
I’ve already said that after he gets some games under his belt, I believe that Chris Olson is actually going to be an upgrade over Rylan Reid. We already know what we have with Carter, and Winn, Shawn Byrns also started most of the 07’ season at center. To me Okafor at RG is the biggest question mark, but at this point I trust Leach and Matt Moore to put together a quality Big 12 offensive line every year.
This is a solid Texas Tech team, with some good young talent, but in 2009 UT/OU/OSU are very good teams with elite seasoned talent. 2010 is the year Raider fans are going to turn to with UT losing McCoy, Shipley and the OL, OU losing a lot on defense, Bradford and Gresham, and OSU losing all their fire power.
“I mean, what would be an acceptable season from your perspective? What does your head tell you about this Red Raider team that your heart would never admit to?”
My heart tells me 10-3 with losses to UT/OU/OSU and a bowl win. My head tells me 2010 is the year to look forward to, and 09’ is probably a 9-4 season. With losses to UT/OU/OSU and NU or Baylor and a bowl win.
As an aside, if you have it in you, come by my tailgate if you can make it down for the Tech game, and I will supply all of your boos and food. I’m dead serious.
If I get to make it down to Austin I will take you up on that. As it stands right now I probably won’t be able to make it, but we’ll see.
Whiskey said:
August 24th, 2009 at 4:51 pm
Scipio I haven’t got the words. My hat is off and I’m pouring one out for you. That was an instant classic.
CloseToJumping said:
August 24th, 2009 at 4:56 pm
So a coach that fell off of the Bob Stoops coaching tree pulls up in his clown car at various PCs and tells reporters that “this may be the best group ever at this position”, a position in which they just lost one of the greatest players in the history of the college sport, and you want another school’s writer to acknowledge that as news? That isn’t even semi-humorous. It is a given. What is funny is you posting it here as though it has a shred of credibility.
Perhaps this is difficult for a guy that breathes through his asshole to believe, but that WR corps ain’t going to be better than last year. Not only that, it will be mediocre and utterly coverable. You don’t even have Lloyd Hill-level talent returning, much less anything comparable to Crabtree.
I do appreciate the obligatory, stereotypical point you attempt in comparing Austin Zouzalik to a bunch of diminuitive white guys that played WR at Tech. I guess we can all assume he’s a small white guy. Look, any gnome wearing a black and red clown suit and a bandana may work as a serviceable WR in Leach’s offense, but that means little to anyone observing the team from the outside. It is a given, kind of like you being an absolute threadmolester and Mike Leach being tanked walking into an alumni gathering in Alpine.
Tim said:
August 24th, 2009 at 5:04 pm
“So a coach that fell off of the Bob Stoops coaching tree pulls up in his clown car at various PCs and tells reporters that “this may be the best group ever at this position”, a position in which they just lost one of the greatest players in the history of the college sport, and you want another school’s writer to acknowledge that as news? That isn’t even semi-humorous. It is a given. What is funny is you posting it here as though it has a shred of credibility.”
Calling this blog “news” is stretching it don’t you think?
CloseToJumping said:
August 24th, 2009 at 5:11 pm
Uhh, you’re the guy lamenting the concept that Scipio wasn’t keeping up with the latest information when he constructed the article.
And, no, I didn’t call this blog “news”, I called what you wanted him to relay “news”.
Do you understand what you are doing to yourself here? You are doing the comedic Internet version of punching yourself in the face. I would call you a spoof if I didn’t know better. Your last follow-up indicates that you honestly lack the reading comprehension skills of a competent 6th grade writer. It is embarrassing and hilarious.
Whitepaladin said:
August 24th, 2009 at 5:13 pm
Actually, Austin Zouzalik is a big, white guy with serious sprinter speed and Wes Welker moves…maybe you guys really should do some research.
glenn said:
August 24th, 2009 at 5:33 pm
‘wr core’? apples have cores. wr’s don’t.
glenn said:
August 24th, 2009 at 5:33 pm
you reckon he meant ‘choir’?
TechMSA08 said:
August 24th, 2009 at 5:49 pm
Well played, sir. Laughed my ass off
Also: Longhorns r stoopid.
Tim said:
August 24th, 2009 at 5:50 pm
Here is a very good retort to Scipio’s post by notnert427
http://mbd.scout.com/mb.aspx?s=188&f=1650&t=4646494
ChrisApplewhite said:
August 24th, 2009 at 6:02 pm
Good?
ChrisApplewhite said:
August 24th, 2009 at 6:02 pm
Ah, Tim. I should read the names first.
Kook said:
August 24th, 2009 at 6:08 pm
Giggles. Nice work, Scipio.
Tim, whats wrong with taking every unfavorable piece thats written about TT and roll with a “we’ll see” mentality? Tech fans don’t know how this year will turn out any better than the outside media do.
How is it that I am so optimistic? For starters, my chlamydia is clearing up just in time for the season. It usually flares up again months later, but, this year we’ll see.
SizzleChest said:
August 24th, 2009 at 7:08 pm
I always thought I knew what fundament meant. Now I know for sure it means Tim.
NorthDallasSooner said:
August 24th, 2009 at 7:10 pm
Scip, you’re a killer. My tummy hurts.
DCH said:
August 24th, 2009 at 7:16 pm
Typical longhorn drivel … ‘Richy Rich’ types who brag about how rich they are, acting like they actually had something to do with it … while making sure everyone else knows how poor they are in comparison.
Sadly embarrassing for the many good longhorn fans.
Trips Right said:
August 24th, 2009 at 7:22 pm
Scipio pays for his man servant with a nearly maxed out Discover Card.
dedfischer said:
August 24th, 2009 at 7:26 pm
A real Tech fan understands this paragraph:
“Tech’s LBs consist of quality MLB Brian Duncan, a guy from the Sig Ep flag football team named Bront Bird, and a Gold’s Gym personal trainer named Marlon Williams.”
But, I’m supposed to act pissed and offended about the rest.
flamingmonkeyass said:
August 24th, 2009 at 7:59 pm
“Typical longhorn drivel … ‘Richy Rich’ types who brag about how rich they are, acting like they actually had something to do with it … while making sure everyone else knows how poor they are in comparison.”
If your dick was a thick as your irony you might actually get laid once in a while.
RogerWilco said:
August 24th, 2009 at 8:24 pm
“I don’t know how you flunk out of Texas Tech short of jettisoning one’s excrement on a TA mid-lecture like an enraged squid presented with a calamari taunt, but apparently it happens. ”
The same is now true for UT! Hahahahahah! OMG, the 10% rule shows what a joke UT’s formerly “rigorous” standards have become. UT accepts thousands of undereducated and just plain ignorant urban and peasant kids in every class and they don’t fail out. Hahahaha. What a remedial education joke UT has become. Hahahahahahahah!!!!! Remedial U!
RogerWilco said:
August 24th, 2009 at 8:29 pm
Longhorns living in the past when UT was “the” school for the social elites of Texas. Now it’s all peasants and gangbangers who find it culturally impossible to determine how many apples they have if they start with 2 apples and another person gives them 2 apples! Remedial U! Hahahahahahah!!!
checkthescoreboard said:
August 24th, 2009 at 8:35 pm
And yet, there it is…the full year full of hearty 39-33 Tech fan belly laughs that no one can undo (not to mention the consistent replaying of the clinching play). This, children, is why the actually *play* the games. Good luck this year, you guys have a great team and much to anticipate. But overlook Tech at your own risk.
CloseToJumping said:
August 24th, 2009 at 8:38 pm
“Hahahahahahahaah!!!”
I am pretty sure that RogerWilco is a dangerous human being with sociopathic tendencies. I will hear that Internet cackling long into my slumbers.
Over and Out said:
August 24th, 2009 at 8:45 pm
Which is what used to follow a really robust “Roger Wilco” in all the old war movies I ever watched. Since none of the other shit you posted made any sense….that’s all I got.
RogerWilco said:
August 24th, 2009 at 8:49 pm
Jamaal Charles is now the norm at UT not the exception.
dick said:
August 24th, 2009 at 8:55 pm
academic smack Tech fan? really?
great writeup, Scip. all of the readership was wondering if you wouldn’t mind redoing the Nebraska SOTU?
RogerWilco said:
August 24th, 2009 at 9:07 pm
Dude, you’re really surprised? Most UT students today couldn’t crack the top 80th percentile at the middle and upper-middle class suburban schools that produce the great majority of Tech students, but they graduate from UT without breaking a sweat. And, as the state’s demographics continue to change, it will only get worse. That said, I firmly believe that gang bangers and peasants deserve a good remedial education and Texas legislators are positioning UT to become the greatest remedial education center for students who speak English as a second language in the nation. Congratulations!
cazadores said:
August 24th, 2009 at 9:43 pm
Great writing, great stuff. Good thread. I agree that the Sand Aggies have a chance to have a tough season. But after the Mike Leach cover on Texas Monthly, I suspect most Tech fans feel as though they have already reached the big time and its okay to put it on cruise control and roll to a 10-3 season at best.
Thanks Scip.
Have I heard everything yet? said:
August 24th, 2009 at 10:02 pm
Nope. Somewhere there is someone stupid enough to propose that Tech’s student body is filled with much higher quality students than that of Texas.
Oh, that’s happening here? Bonanza!
NateHeupel said:
August 24th, 2009 at 10:05 pm
“Pawnatuckee Tribal Casino”
Shit. I think my mom gambles here. That’s in Oklahoma, isn’t it, Scip? Between Winstar and Riverwind on I-35 on one of the plethora of small town exits that just scream “your family will get murdered here”?
Brad said:
August 25th, 2009 at 4:37 am
The wicker furniture line is one of the best I have read in years.
Ron McKelvey Weaver said:
August 25th, 2009 at 5:11 am
tceh hasn’t played an out of conference game against a BCS school in six years. You people wonder why nobody, and I mean absolutely nobody, takes you seriously?
RogerWilco said:
August 25th, 2009 at 5:23 am
Ron, SWAC schools should stay of Big 12 business.
ChicagoTTU said:
August 25th, 2009 at 5:30 am
I’d say it’s more the Brandon Carter/so-2004-pirate spectacle… but then again, maybe you guys should have taken Tech seriously last year…
Besides, why should a team in the BigXII South play another BCS school out of conference? Isn’t your schedule typically strong enough?
Ron McKelvey Weaver said:
August 25th, 2009 at 5:49 am
The Big-XII South schedule is brutal. However, tceh didn’t know OU and Texas (along with the recent surge of OSU) whenever they scheduled multiple non-FBS schools. You people whined and moaned last year about being tied with UT and OU (despite a loss by half a hundred). Well, your pitiful nonconference SOS certainly didn’t assist your cause. I’m not saying tceh has to play at The Coliseum or Horseshoe ever fall. There are plenty of average schools in the PAC-10. ACC, SEC, or BIG-10 for tceh to play. Don’t you people wonder why despite coming off your best season in history, you’re not even ranked going into the 2009 season? You’ve got to earn respect. It’s a process, not a one hit wonder. Outside of Lubbock, you’re completely unknown. Why can’t you people see this? Are you all that blind? Are you? Well? Well?
Tim said:
August 25th, 2009 at 6:03 am
Ron McKelvey Weaver is a closet Aggie, his team lost to Arkansas State. He’s the last person in the world that should be talking about needing stronger non-conference schedules.
If Aggies non-conference was any tougher last year they would have gone 1-11, they barely squeeked by New Mexico last year.
Ron McKelvey Weaver said:
August 25th, 2009 at 6:33 am
Tim,
I attended MIT and California Tech. Ever hear of them? Probably not.
Tim said:
August 25th, 2009 at 6:53 am
Anybody who has spent more than one minute on TexAgs knows you’re a slobbering Aggie.
Tim's Bleeding Vagina said:
August 25th, 2009 at 7:03 am
it’s that time of year again folks when i am free flowing. it’s good to be back.
Ron McKelvey Weaver said:
August 25th, 2009 at 7:20 am
Yes Tim, one of my degrees happen to be from Texas A&M (Top engieering school, especially in my field).
Are you one of those pesky sand fleas that spends all day on TexAgs, trying to seek validation for tceh?
bighornfan32 said:
August 25th, 2009 at 7:30 am
The only minorities I see on campus are genius asians and indians. I must be missing all the mexican day laborers and inner city blacks.
Tim said:
August 25th, 2009 at 8:12 am
That’s kind of what I thought Ron, you reek of Aggie.
Texasholdem said:
August 25th, 2009 at 8:13 am
Maybe I imagined this, but I remember reading that the demographics of UT-Austin have not changed/Changed very little since the 10% rule began and that the only people really hurt by it were private school kids and kids in the very, very elite public schools.
Bill Compton said:
August 25th, 2009 at 8:21 am
I love Tim. Mmmmmmm.
Nordberg said:
August 25th, 2009 at 8:30 am
I’m really not sure how someone like Tim could spend so much time here, and still not “get it”. I don’t know about you other whiny faggots and your bruised vaginas (either/or, I guess), but Tim sure as shit should know better.
Facebook User said:
August 25th, 2009 at 9:44 am
Our friend at EDSBS has another dialogue featuring the detestable Mr. Leach.
Arrogant TEXAS Fan said:
August 25th, 2009 at 1:49 pm
Says Tim: “My heart tells me 10-3 with losses to UT/OU/OSU and a bowl win. My head tells me 2010 is the year to look forward to, and 09’ is probably a 9-4 season.”
Your heart and head are both lying to you, Tim. Which one told you that you’d beat Oklahoma last year?
And - I thought I’d seen it all. But never did I think I’d find a tech fan smacking about academics. Do you need more than a driver’s license for admittance to Tech these days?
Travis said:
August 25th, 2009 at 2:15 pm
I must say that was so funny I had to read it twice, you’ve got to love tech fans, all during the season they defended harrell like he was somehow better than Colt or Bradford, and that he wasn’t just another name in a system, but as soon as he graduated they automatically claimed that they won’t miss a beat and that the “wookie will do just as good” if that’s not saying we just plug the next guy into our system, I don’t know what is. We can only hope that tech can live up to their one big game a year and beat ou in lubbock… Otherwise this year has 7-5 wrote all over it
39-33 said:
August 25th, 2009 at 7:44 pm
“you’ve got to love tech fans, all during the season they defended harrell like he was somehow better than Colt or Bradford, and that he wasn’t just another name in a system, but as soon as he graduated they automatically claimed that they won’t miss a beat and that the “wookie will do just as good” if that’s not saying we just plug the next guy into our system, I don’t know what is.”
Maybe, just maybe, it’s possible that both Harrell and Potts are talented QBs, and thus, that there will not be the precipitous dropoff that you guys are counting on. By your inane logic, I guess Colt McCoy will be a system QB if any of you think Gilbert will be successful after him. I further fail to see how you can chastise Tech fans for believing Graham was more than a system QB and that Potts also has what it takes to be a solid QB, yet then imply that Harrell supposedly was a system QB whilst acting as if we can’t replace him. That seems a bit hypocritical. Then again, so did all that “45-35 counts but 39-33 doesn’t” double-talk politicking after we threw a wrench into your sense of entitlement on Nov. 1st, 2008. Proceed with the contradictory arrogance.
Magnus Bleuveigner said:
August 25th, 2009 at 8:43 pm
I don’t get the “Harrel sucks” argument either. I think he has the talent to throw for a fuckton of meters if you know what I’m talking aboot.
unsub1 said:
August 25th, 2009 at 8:43 pm
If Gilbert is good, Colt was a system QB? WTF?
DOES, NOT, COMPUTE!!!
PS: It’s awesome that your username is based on one win. Timeless.
fatbastard said:
August 26th, 2009 at 4:50 am
There is only one Scipio and once again he proves it!
Magnificent!
The Museum of Tortured Prose said:
August 26th, 2009 at 7:54 am
“I don’t know how you flunk out of Texas Tech short of jettisoning one’s excrement on a TA mid-lecture like an enraged squid presented with a calamari taunt”
You stole this from us and we want it back.
Soonervino said:
August 26th, 2009 at 8:18 am
The only thing more funny than the actual article is reading Tim, who evidently took it seriously. Oh, and those comparing TTU to UT academically. TTU has to adhere to the 10% rule as well. The difference is that even the top 10% of Dallas Roosevelt, Lincoln, Pinkston, Skyline don’t want to go to Lubbock.
Favorite line not mentioned yet is that of “N**** is you crazy award”.
Scip, youse the greatest.
Texas Engr said:
August 26th, 2009 at 8:22 am
Tech fans,
Grow up. Learn how to win consistently and then learn how to win with some class. You have some of the worst fans in the country.
Cheers,
jmrtexcol said:
August 26th, 2009 at 8:27 am
“And - I thought I’d seen it all. But never did I think I’d find a tech fan smacking about academics. Do you need more than a driver’s license for admittance to Tech these days?”
Whaaaat? they require driver’s licenses now?
Cincohorn said:
August 26th, 2009 at 9:19 am
Tim - You had me at Alexander Torres.
ross said:
August 26th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
Hey tim.
your team sucks.
hopefulhorn said:
August 27th, 2009 at 7:53 pm
Scip, you have a gift, and really should be getting paid for sharing it.
Tech fans-win one on the road against a quality opponent with something on the line and we’ll talk.