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Barking Carnival 2013 Mixtape: Discom-Bob-ulation


Tim Heitman-USA TODAY Sports

Discombobulation (Dis-kuhm-'bah-b(y)oo-layshun), noun : A state of upset or confusion.


Anyone out there ever reverse your left and right contact lenses? That's what watching Saturday's game felt like to me. Like the teams had switched jerseys. Like protons were electrons.

In the spirit of that up-is-down, Bill Little Bizarro-speak world, I present to you here (while wondering if Blackie Sherrod's mom was racist)--

A Compendium of Disjointed Musings, Reflectoids and Wonderments:

* Good hell, is Blake Bell the worst ou quarterback I've ever seen! How have they won a game? He's objectively terrible.

* Apparently, this weekend's was the exact right recipe of lowered expectations and general fan apathy that a Mack Brown team requires to show up to the RRS and not embarrass the University of Texas.

Perhaps the primary reason why I don't gamble my hard-earned money on college football is because of the mercurial nature of the psyche of 18-23 year old dudes. ou clearly got lulled to disinterest by the constant mantra of You will blow out UT, You will blow out UT that they heard all week.

Historically, ou has relished being the disrespected side, visiting their comeuppance on the haughty, tea-sipping whorns. They didn't wear well the mantle of the anointed.

Conversely, the Longhorns flourished in an environment in which they were disburdened of even the normal pressure of their own fanbase's desires for a victory. If there's ever been a more apathetic approach to the game from the UT side, it was before my time.

And that has provided the answer to the question, "What does Mack Brown need to get his team ready for the Cotton Bowl?"

* I love David Ash. He seems an immensely likable young man. I don't like Case McCoy. I wanted him kicked off the team in January. As recently as last week, I told my friend that Case might be my least favorite Longhorn ever. If he were healthy and available, I'd want David Ash to start every game remaining on the schedule without fear of The Hook.

Having said that, it's very difficult for me to imagine the Longhorn performance we saw yesterday with David Ash under Center. I don't know why football has evolved the way it has, with the unquestioned dogma of One Quarterback Fits All. I understand how the Leadership Leader-y-ness of the position seems to dictate that you choose one guy, and he's The Guy. But days like yesterday make me wonder.

You don't use a putter from the tee, and you don't use a driver on the green.

I love David Ash, and cruel fate has dictated that we'll never know what he might've done yesterday, but it seems to me that the unique emotional cauldron that is the RRS is one for which he's never been well-suited. Case, God bless him, seized the moment. He's done it before. It may just be that Case is a funky, trick-shot club in the bag usable only in extreme, strange situations. Again, cruel fate may render this a moot point moving forward.

At any rate, the team with the better QB play usually wins the RRS, and Case was that guy yesterday. A cap-tip to him for that. He who laughs last, laughs best.

* Anyone else left with a feeling of anger about the team's performance yesterday? I know it's the unpopular thing to say. But in a fan population as diverse and heterogenous as ours, I can't believe that everyone's reaction was unanimous huzzahs for the head man.

Personally, I found yesterday's game perplexing as hell to digest. Was really happy for John Gray, Malcolm Brown and Greg Robinson. And it's NEVER a bad thing seeing the Tunnel-end of the stadium empty for the playing of the Eyes.

But he is a Mackroach, and it is so like him to coach a team to this type of victory in this type of situation.

I think the Great Mack Brown Crime of all-time has been to coach teams that the Longhorn fanbase can't trust. I'm sure I'm not the only Longhorn fan who longs for a Horn team I can trust to show up, to carry out the basic duty of the football team: play hard, make us proud. I think that's where some of my anger about yesterday comes from. They're still an exceedingly unreliable bunch. You can't trust this team to be anything; not good, not bad, not hard-fighting, not lay-downing.

The only thing you can trust is that Mack Brown will Say Stupid Shit when it's all said and done.

The Return of the Goodie Mob! (At the least the less-fumbly members)


And now, Chin Music...

Remember the sublime delights of Mike Tyson's Punch-Out? In the glorious Nintendo release, you were Little Mac, a plucky fighter with an eye toward the title.

Every opponent you came up against had a very particular weakness. Once you discovered that weakness, you could target it, and punish it repeatedly, without any fear of reprisal. You just had to find that weakness. Whether it was Von KaiserPiston HondaDon Flamenco or the Great Tiger...they all had a specific weakness.

But the first opponent Little Mac had to conquer--the guy you had to pass for the rest of it to matter--was Glass Joe. And Glass Joe's weakness was his face. The guy had less chin than a San Antonio phone book. How many seasons has Bill Little Mack's year come down to whether he could get past Dallas in October? The answer is most of them. And this year, Mack landed just the punch on just the right mental protuberance.

I can't get into those conspiracy theories that would suggest Bob's desire to win the game this year might've been a little less. He had plenty to play for this year. But you know he'd love to see Mack stay a little longer.

Would he take one for the team, as they say? That I don't know. What I do know is that Oklahoma rock outfit Kings of Leon hates the Longhorns. I know this because I saw them play a boring concert once in Houston wherein they let everyone in the audience know that they hate the Longhorns.

Too bad, so sad they had to be in Austin this weekend for all the fun and shenanigans. Both they and Bob can feast on dicks this week and mumble this song together.


Sing it, Bob--

There's this boy I know, he's afraid of the ocean
Never quite found love, he drank the love potion
I'll be on the chain, smoking in the basement, shattered like the windows

All my life I was born to lead, worry not just leave me be,
I'll abide till the end
I'll take it all on the chin for you, my friend

Find my bag of bones at the back of the station
Said make yourself at home, so I
started day-drinking
Till I believe in time, after 7, 8 or 9, you fall yourself to pieces

All my life I was born to lead, worry not just leave me be,
I'll abide till the end
I'll take it all on the chin for you, my friend

All my life I was born to lead, worry not just leave me be,
I'll abide till the end
I'll take it all on the chin for you, my friend

I'll take it all on the chin for you, my friend.


For previous tracks on the Barking Carnival Mixtape 2013, please see:

Game/Track 1. I'm Set -- Goodie Mob
Game/Track 2. Pompeii -- Bastille
Game/Track 3. Don't Know Why -- Ben Kweller
Game/Track 4. Wake Me Up -- Avicii
Game/Track 5. Hugs -- The Lonely Island
Game/Track 6. On the Chin -- Kings of Leon