Football Articles
Barking Carnival’s Rx for Bye Week Blues
Posted by Scipio Tex on September 30th, 2009 under Football
No Paxil involved.
As disappointed as we all are that Texas doesn’t have a directional school from a dubious conference to pummel this weekend, you don’t have to fall prey to the Bye Week Blues.
You can do something productive like clean out your attic, take up the lute, or learn conversational Farsi…
Or you could just watch a bunch of of other teams play football. Yeah, that’s what I thought.
I’ll let you decide if the Thursday West Virginia-Colorado matchup is worth your time. I watched Colorado at Toledo two weeks ago and it proved immensely entertaining, similar to a homemade squirrel catapult. If you watch Friday’s Pittsburgh-Louisville game, your relationship with college football is probably an abusive one.
As a Pacific Standard Time type, I’m used to waking up on a Saturday to execrable Big 10 football. As much as I enjoy a conference where consonant heavy draft horses battle in pouring rain under gray skies in early October to see who can score the decisive safety in a 13-13 game and trigger celebratory riots in a Rust Belt apocalypse, I’m going to recommend that you get in a work out, walk the dogs, do something outside, grab some brunch in a place where people judge you, and then prepare yourself for game watching. However, if you need that morning taste and you possess the right cable package, I give you my blessing to watch:
12:00 PM ET No. 22 Michigan at Michigan State Big 10 Network
Michigan is a highly entertaining football team. They’re just good enough to be exciting, just bad enough to make every game an adventure. Think Texas in 1998. If you haven’t seen freshman Tate Forcier play yet, do so. Michigan State lives to play and lose close games. I’m pulling for the Athenians from Ann Arbor.
You’ll probably want to jump back and forth with:
12:21 PM ET No. 3 Alabama at Kentucky Gameplan/ESPN 360
See Greg McElroy, Trent “Street Agent” Richardson, Julio Jones and Alabama’s new-found offensive glory. UK will contest this game more tightly than last week’s Gator effort, but the Tide will rise. Keep an eye on this Bama team.
Enough, let’s move on to the main course.
3:30 PM ET No. 4 LSU at No. 18 Georgia CBS
Yes. Yes this will do nicely. LSU has struggled with every team they’ve played and they appear to be a loose affiliation of great athletes running around randomly. Richt desperately needs this win and the Dawgs have won their last three with some fortunate breaks. Richt isn’t on the hot seat, but there’s a weird hysteria amongst Dawg fans right now that he needs to quell before it escalates. Should be a classic SEC game with urgency in both camps. I’m pulling for Georgia in this one.
Sadly, you’re going to have to make some choices now:
7:30 PM ET Texas A&M vs. Arkansas* ESPN2
The first of three games in which Texas fans will be deeply conflicted. Do you pull for the vile Razorbacks and serial liar Bobby Petrino or do you pull for that deeply secure bunch in College Station? I’ll be pulling for a meteor strike. Of course it would bounce harmlessly off of Jerry World’s adamantine retractable dome: aka Bill Byrne’s head. Like a Big 10 game in October, this game will be played in the 30s. Points, not degrees. It’s perfectly fine to pull for the Aggies as a win will elevate their expectations to Dutch Tulip Bubble frenzy levels. Seeing it pop later would be good fun.
7:45 PM ET Auburn at Tennessee ESPN
Longhorn fan conflict #2. I would like to immerse both Gene Chizik and Lane Kiffin in a briny vat of Portugese Man O’ Wars. Each knows how to self-promote shamelessly, hire a staff, and pay off a recruit. The real battle will happen between Tennessee’s D led by Papa Kiffin and Auburn’s creative OC Gus Malzhan. That’s a chess match worth watching. There’s a lot of pressure for Kiffin to win in Neyland. As a general rule, I also make it a point to watch Eric Berry whenever possible.
8:00 PM ET No. 7 USC at No. 24 California ABC
Cal’s retched performance in Autzen last week seemingly renders this an odd game of interest, but if you know a bit about Cal’s wilting road history and how they rebound at home, they’re fully capable of giving USC problems. Tedford may want to communicate to his defense that TEs are receiver eligible and QB Kevin Riley needs to stop ingesting pregame mushrooms. Check in here in the 2nd quarter and see where the game stands. My USC hate will be full on.
8:00 PM ET No. 8 Oklahoma at No. 17 Miami (FL)
Longhorn fan dilemma #3. The Unsavory Bowl. A city of tropical degenerates that Sao Paulo mocks for its corruption and depravity hosts a collision of high culture unseen since the Venetians traded with ancient China. Will I pull for the Miami Hurricanes? Yes, I will. I also vow that during the length of the broadcast I will greet all females by exclaiming, “Oy mami I got sometin’ for you real nice” while pointing at my crotch. If they win, I will snort nine packets of Sweet N Low.
Your turn…what games you going to watch and who are you pulling for?
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BEHorn said:
September 30th, 2009 at 2:01 pm
As a fellow PST-er (or, currently, PDT-er), I too have learned to eschew the morning Big 10 snoozefests. Turn on CFG right after the intro, stay until Corso throws on a mascot lid, then check out for a couple of hours.
I will have my default Root-meter settings on full-blast this weekend: (1) for the higher-ranked team to lose to the lower-ranked team, and (2) for OU to lose the game, their puzzling status as an accredited university, and their way home. (I’d also root for them to lose their souls, but they have to sign those away to Beelzebub as part of the OU admissions paperwork.)
Which leaves the lone dilemma as Arkie v Aggie. I don’t think it much matters either way, because if Aggie loses then the wailing-and-gnashing will be as intensely amusing as ever, while if they win it just sets ‘em up for an even bigger fall down the road (OU, Tech, us). Nice to have a win-win in a game involving teams that you ordinarily want to see lose-lose.
nordberg said:
September 30th, 2009 at 2:10 pm
I’d rather learn conversational Farsi than choose winners from the a&m/arkansas and miami/ou games.
Scipio Tex said:
September 30th, 2009 at 2:13 pm
BeHorn:
Nicely done. We’re of the same mind on A&M-Arkansas. It’s really win-win. Euphoric Aggies are fun Aggies: they get more lippy and interactive and I enjoy that. And it’s always fun to deflate the S!-E!-C! However, a loss will lead to fun pic threads on Texags of dirigibles exploding etc.
Whereas with Tennessee-Auburn I’ll be moderately irritated with either result since a scoundrel still wins.
TaylorTRoom said:
September 30th, 2009 at 2:20 pm
“As much as I enjoy a conference where consonant heavy draft horses battle in pouring rain under grey skies in early October to see who can score the decisive safety in a 13-13 game and trigger celebratory riots in a Rust Belt apocalypse”
That reminds me - you should see Neil Marshall’s documentary about Scotland, “Doomsday”.
nordberg said:
September 30th, 2009 at 2:27 pm
“Euphoric Aggies are fun Aggies”
See, it’s been my experience that euphoric aggies are intolerable aggies. Although since you’re on the west coast your interaction may be limited solely to the interwebs. In Austin, I much prefer the downtrodden, solemn, beaten down form of the aggie.
Scipio Tex said:
September 30th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
No, no. You measure a fall by the distance traveled. Downtrodden Aggies find other outlets like Women’s Archery or splitting a regular season men’s basketball series. You want Aggies reeled in and believing. Then it when it all falls down, they launch into bitter self-hate and public self-flagellation.
See the movie Closer. Or Texas fans from ‘84 through ‘97.
eskimohorn said:
September 30th, 2009 at 2:49 pm
If OU and/or Aggies are to lose, I want them to lose in ignominous fashion. No close moral victories. I want to see Stoopsie pout and throw headsets, with Bradford stumbling in the 3rd quarter after Landry Jones gets obliterated. Only to watch Bradford get Bomared ending his career at OU. Then, I want a 77-0 Petrino beatdown of A&M, with Nelson & Matthews decommitting for Cali.
I, too, want my aggie associates beaten down, submissive and ashamed.
sunburnt orange said:
September 30th, 2009 at 2:49 pm
My girlfriend (an aggie) and I are trying out a new technique to reduce domestic hostility where we can not openly root against the other person’s team, unless UT and a&m are actually playing each other. Since a&m has not been televised yet this season (at least to her knowledge), this was going to be my first real test. Fortunately, she bought ACL tickets so I will most likely remain in a relationship until Thanksgiving.
huge said:
September 30th, 2009 at 3:06 pm
having been on a bus and not in the stadium or even able to watch the hurricane cotton beatdown, my level of miami hatred is really pretty mild. GO CANES. young life ski trip ftw
Gene Claude said:
September 30th, 2009 at 3:21 pm
The Bottom Bowl: ISU v KSU at Arrowhead is conpsicuously absent.
Sailor Ripley said:
September 30th, 2009 at 3:22 pm
Gene - I think you mean Farmageddon.
henley said:
September 30th, 2009 at 3:23 pm
Haleh shoma chetowr-eh?
I actually remember one line of conversational Farsi from the semester I took in 1990. How ’bout that? If pressed, I believe I could count to ten, as well. Yek, doh, seh, char, panj, sheesh, hasht, haft, noh, dah.
I’ve been thinking about the Ag/Hog game. The Ags are starting to reel in some good football talent. On the one hand, I think an arsewhipping might keep them down. On the other, decommits might accept a Norman gratuity and cost us more than the traditional “one great talent surrounded by mediocrity” of the last 10 years in B/CS. It’s quite a dilemma. Adding to the dilemma is that a good Arkie showing might open up inroads for them. Is that a bad thing? Will they be taking from Okie (North Texas) and Aggie (East Texas) more than UT? What is the sound of one hand clapping?
Final conclusion: I hope that Jorvorskie Lane knocks away the offered Gatorade from the upperdeck, which lands on Jerry Jones, cutting his machine-stretched face and causing him to fly about the stadium like an untied balloon. And for the Ags to lose by 40. I like the Ag fanbase way more than the Hog variety, but I don’t work with Hogs. Sorry.
Regarding Auburn/Tennessee - I believe I’m favoring Auburn in this one. It will be another nice bamboo shoot under the nails of Auburn backers when Muschamp hires Malzahn as his OC.
huskerwes1 said:
September 30th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
Has anyone ever seen a team more universally hated than the Sooners??? I live in Ok and as a teen loved going to Sooner games (90’s) because I was poor and could always get FREE tickets. Yes, it was easy in those days b/c people didn’t pack the house. I never begrudged the Sooners…until…Year 2000…I had never been ragged on for being a Cornhusker fan until that year….hhhhmmmmm. I have had to dodge fights with people throughout the state ever since Bob Stoops arrived.
I don’t mean to feel the way I do now, but I can’t help it- There are two ways that I win on Saturdays - #1 When Nebraska Wins & #2 When OU Loses…I will take either and when both occur all is right in the world.
OU people: Be nicer and everyone won’t hate you.
parlinhall said:
September 30th, 2009 at 3:34 pm
“A city of tropical degenerates that Sao Paulo mocks for its corruption and depravity hosts a collision of high culture unseen since the Venetians traded with ancient China.”
That’s just nice.
nordberg said:
September 30th, 2009 at 3:38 pm
Is this the kind of stuff you want Scipio?? Is it??
John P. Lopez on JJ
Sasha is a Longhorn Dog said:
September 30th, 2009 at 3:49 pm
I want to watch the ag/Ark game. But the main thing I’ll be interested in is listening to the sound of that stadium. Whoops and Pig Sooeys en masse should be interesting.
Other than that, I will try to catch the ou/Miami game as well. This is all provided that I get enough studying done during the day to justify watching football. Law school has no respect for my beloved hobbies.
bigdukesix said:
September 30th, 2009 at 4:01 pm
Other than that, I will try to catch the ou/Miami game as well. This is all provided that I get enough studying done during the day to justify watching football. Law school has no respect for my beloved hobbies.
This is my third year in law school and I have yet to open a book on a Saturday. But I don’t want to tell you how to live your life. You do what you do.
bigdukesix said:
September 30th, 2009 at 4:10 pm
Since we haven’t had a recruiting update on here in a while:
Ahmad Dixon is apparently taking a magical mystery tour through SEC country, visiting Auburn, Bama, and Florida, among others. I am shocked, shocked I say at this shocking turn of events, considering that Dixon said he committing to Baylor because Austin was too far away from home (90 minutes).
XXMale said:
September 30th, 2009 at 5:35 pm
My own advice to the tired little beast…the greatest power is to know when to stop.
texoz said:
September 30th, 2009 at 6:01 pm
I was planning to go to the ACL Fest Saturday afternoon & evening. The NWS is now forecasting 2 to 10 inches of rain for Austin. I may watch the Unsavory Bowl after all.
exuLt said:
September 30th, 2009 at 6:06 pm
Learning Ferengi is special awright.
It’s finally come down to it: my two favorite hate teams. Which one do I pull hardest against? Miami?? Maybe being now 4 degrees of Jerry Johnson thuggery will tip the scale. Interesting albeit morbid paradox. Maybe the most fascinating part of this game will be which way I’ll end up viscerally.
exuLt said:
September 30th, 2009 at 6:08 pm
My kingdom for an edit button.
Flamingmonkey said:
September 30th, 2009 at 7:23 pm
At 1130 CST I’ll be watching my beloved Red Devils keep pace at the top of the table.
After that I’ll be tuning into catch the last bit of Michigan v. Michigan State to see in what horrndous fashion the Spartans managed to blow another late lead and lose. It’s got to be tough being a fan of Sparty.
After that I’ll be tuning in to Ga v. LSU. I wonder who will outcoach the other? Of course that’s like waching an episode of Deadliest Warrior featuring Mexican midget wrestlers versus prostitutes. I expect Georgia to knock off the Tigers and for fans of the SEC to start in with the whole “beating each other up” hyperbole.
I’ll watch the first part of a&m and Arkansas. I worry about the ramifications of tbs game though. A swine flu/hoof and mouth hyrbid outbreak could have long reaching effects. Other than that I hope to see both teams look sloppy and unimpressive.
After that I’ll be tuning into OU v. Miami. I’d be happy if the sooners never won another game. Unfortunately I think they’re still very much a solid football team and I suspect they’ll flex a little muscle on Saturday. The silver lining of which will be the sooners once again capturing our players’ and coaching staffs’ full attention. Not to mention the more hyped those imbreeds are the more fun it is to beat them.
ponderos said:
September 30th, 2009 at 8:57 pm
I never begrudged the Sooners…until…Year 2000…I had never been ragged on for being a Cornhusker fan until that year….hhhhmmmmm.
I’m sure it didn’t have anything to do with running up 70 in Norman, 1996 … the last time Nebraska had been there before 2000.
Groundhogday said:
September 30th, 2009 at 9:08 pm
Why no mention of the Stanford/UCLA game? The pac 10 race might be the most entertaining race to follow all season as all teams seem to subscribe to the Jekyll and Hyde act.
Bob in Houston said:
October 1st, 2009 at 6:53 am
I’ll be rooting big-time for Michigan State. srr will be pulling for the Wolverines, but I think that’s his only major flaw.
srr50 said:
October 1st, 2009 at 7:14 am
I have mixed emotions about this one, BIH. Yes I will pull for the Wolverines, but with relatives who graduated from both schools, it won’t kill me if Michigan State wins — especially since it will help to make Rich Rod’s life a little more miserable.
Ohio State? Anytime they lose is a good day.
EDSBS » Archive » CURIOUS INDEX, 10/1/09 said:
October 1st, 2009 at 7:24 am
[...] to know that they came to this fine blog by way of a Dallas bath house Barking Carnival, and that BC has a fine viewing guide ready and waiting for this week if you care for some humorous distraction this morning. If it’s a pony you’re wanting, [...]
Scipio Tex said:
October 1st, 2009 at 7:28 am
Groundhog Day:
Not a bad option at 3:30EST. Who do you like in that one? If Stanford wins, I think you have to start talking about ranking them. Love Toby Gerhart and the UCLA D.
Scipio Tex said:
October 1st, 2009 at 7:29 am
Bob -
What’s your rooting interest in Michigan State?
Bob in Houston said:
October 1st, 2009 at 7:49 am
“Ohio State? Anytime they lose is a good day.”
Now there is something we agree on.
“What’s your rooting interest in Michigan State?”
My parents went there, and I was conceived there (stop that thought… parents were married) so I grew up with MSU. Until I went off to Texas, I’d been to more college football games at Spartan Stadium than any other place (although I’ve been to U-M games too). I intended to go to MSU, but (pointless story avoided) it didn’t work out. Needless to say, I don’t regret a bit that I ended up at Texas.
I’m also a big Creighton fan… lived in Omaha for about a year, but that was enough.
sourgrapes said:
October 1st, 2009 at 8:34 am
Saying Trent had a street agent is totally false, and its only perpetuated by Tejas fans. Don’t be like that baby, I hate it when we fight. Its not as if y’all don’t recruit well anyhow, and it just comes off as petty because you haven’t had a RB that can approach Trent’s talent since Benson. Maybe when y’all stop playing arena ball, you’ll get a good running game again. I hope Tejas goes undefeated, because I’m tired of seeing OU and OSU blow title games.
Don’t choke this year,
the SEC.
huge said:
October 1st, 2009 at 8:59 am
jamaal charles > trent richardson
Scipio Tex said:
October 1st, 2009 at 9:01 am
sourgrapes:
Guilty as charged on not having RBs like Richardson - wish we did. The guy is off the charts.
To be clear, I don’t think Texas missed out on Trent Richardson because he had a street agent (which he did). Trent was just trying to recruit a stalking horse. He was SEC all the way. We never had a shot and Horn fans who thought we did are/were delusional.
huskerwes1 said:
October 1st, 2009 at 9:17 am
ponderos,
i thought that sooner fans would love a team that ran up a score…but how can you fault a team that didn’t pass the ball and the score still got out of hand? having said that, i hate it when teams run scores up - my objection had less to do with us losing that 2000 game and everything to do with being beat up (verbally) by sooner fans- i never saw it coming
fightingterrorismsince1492 said:
October 1st, 2009 at 10:46 am
Ah Scipio…..the learned son of JoeBoo. As a Techsan, I am extremely concerned about the goings on in Lubbock. Not whether or not the Red Raiders will bounce back from two road losses against superior opponents, but what will happen to my fair ‘burg now that alcohol can be purchased at any day spa, soul food kitchen or PetSmart in the city…..we were already the most inebriated clowns in the conference. Now, with this delightful new law, we can roll out the barrells of rum for the petulant pirates that have been grumbling about the loss of Twitter access. Are you kidding me? What the hell does anybody have to tweet about on the high plains?…… Dude, uncle jimbob lost his last finger in a macrame roping incident…..Mom, tumbleweed works great as SoberTaxi…….girlfriend hates me now, that’s okay, I hate every bone in her body but mine……Brandon Carter can now get a jump start on his WWF career……I digress, random thoughts are buzz bombing me……anyway, with the revolution at hand, Red Raggies can now ponder new ways to assimilate themselves into the state hospital in Big Spring where they will spend the rest of their days extolling the virtues of Lucretia Borgia while perusing smuggled, original copies of Das Kapital…….”Fearless champions ever be, stand on heights of vic—hystery(is that a word?)….Go Red Raiders…..
Groundhogday said:
October 1st, 2009 at 10:47 am
Scipio,
I like UCLA’s D but I also like Stanford’s O and Andrew Luck is a future star and Toby Gerhart is very good. Rahim Moore for UCLA is a great player but that offense is putrid. My guy says to take the home team in all pac 10 games but UCLA seems to be a good value play if you’re a betting man.
texasengr said:
October 1st, 2009 at 10:47 am
I’ll be recording (and watching / fast forwarding through)…
thurs: colo @ wvu 6:30 espn (I’m thinking WV by 17+)
sat:
lsu @ georgia 2:30 cbs (can they both lose?)
texas A&M vs arkansas 6:30 espn2 (go A&M… I feel so dirty)
ou @ miami 7:00 abc (go OU. We want a top 10 battle on the 17th. It will look bad if we only beat them by ~10 and they’re proven to suck).
I think I even get the Big 10 network, so I’ll watch Michigan for the 1st time this season.
huskerwes1 said:
October 1st, 2009 at 11:16 am
texasengr:
nothing good can come from an ou win
Bob in Houston said:
October 1st, 2009 at 12:03 pm
“Yes I will pull for the Wolverines, but with relatives who graduated from both schools, it won’t kill me if Michigan State wins — especially since it will help to make Rich Rod’s life a little more miserable.”
I was thinking about this… my brother graduated from A&M, but that doesn’t make me sympathetic toward the Ags. Of course, in our family (including by marriage), there are five Longhorn grads and my brother. Now, if my son had chosen A&M
As to Rich Rod suffering, that doesn’t bother me at all. Frankly, IMO, he doesn’t measure up to what a Michigan coach should be.
Bob in Houston said:
October 1st, 2009 at 12:04 pm
Edit: If my son had chosen A&M, I might follow them a little closer. However, he was raised right, and there was not a chance in the world.
srr50 said:
October 1st, 2009 at 12:16 pm
My dad was a graduate of Michigan State and mom was a graduate of Michigan, but the balance for the rest of the family was Maze & Blue (had a couple of cousins who played baseball and wrestled for the Wolverines).
The MSU-Michigan game used to be held on the same weekend as Texas-OU,which made for some interesting times in our household (we moved to Texas when I was a baby).
coloradoag said:
October 1st, 2009 at 1:37 pm
Scip,
Any word on Clip Cooper’s plans for the bye week? Golf at Pebble? Color change in New England? Guy’s trip to Vegas? I’m sure no one does a bye week quite like ol’ CC.
Art Vandelay said:
October 1st, 2009 at 5:26 pm
Ken Burns’ ‘National Parks’ is worth watching. Very informative, but as with any of his offerings they tend to border on being soporific.
CurrentLonghornStudent said:
October 1st, 2009 at 11:24 pm
Scipio and Groundhog:
UCLA QB Kevin Craft lit up Stanford like the second coming of Tom Brady last year. This year he was third-string on the preseason depth chart until the Olsen (I think it was) busted his knee. And last week, Kevin Prince broke his jaw. Now Craft is back against what I hope is a much improved Stanford defense (and an improved home crowd). UCLA won on a last-minute TD drive last year-the prevent defense prevents winning.
I’ll be watching FB/LB Owen Marecic and Touchdown Toby all afternoon. I hope the OL holds up. Andrew Luck is currently a good QB (RS FR from Stratford-Houston) and he’s only getting better as he starts getting games under his belt. He can run a bit, and he’s got a cannon. We’ll see if Chris Owusu can’t return a kickoff for touchdown in his fourth straight game too.