Greg Davis: Iowa Offensive Coordinator, Spoken Word Poet
by Scipio Tex on Feb 23, 2026 1:51 AM CST
in Texas Longhorns and Other Football
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Greg Davis approaches the podium in Iowa City. And he has a few things to say:
What's up Iowa City?
Huh. Huh. Yeah. It's about to happen, y'all.
Who wants to hear some truth up in here?
OH YEAH, BOUT TO GET REAL.
(pulls hoody over head and begins gesticulating wildly)
Horizontal Corn!
Rows of yellow-green...(whispers) soldiers.
Wake up and smell the Folgers.
Horizontal. You know. SIDE. WAYS.
Like my homi-cide ways.
Bubble screen plays.
Leave that ass in a daze.
Unless your DC watches film. Which seems patently unfair.
Xi'an terra cotta photosynthetic reliants.
My golf hat sideways defiance.
I just dropped China and science.
Call me stalker, cuz these fibers do violence.
Gold and black maize lay siege to your colon.
Like Russia on Poland.
I still fastball like Nolan.
Not Richardson, punk.
I ain't strollin'.
This is no full court press.
But I digress...
My 40 minutes of hell.
Can't be digest.
Horizontal Corn!
Packing pounds on that ass. Roll up those jean shorts, girl.
No my grow ain't no silo.
Got that corn-fed ass. Kind I like.
What's your 40 time, fructose?
No, I mean laterally.
Iowans.
Good people of the land.
But Tom Arnold? Damn!
Like Canadians, but duller.
But I'll still pull Jeff Fuller.
Texas pipeline like Laird.
So best be prepared.
Yeah, Hamilton. Do you not surf?
Midwest my new turf.
I throw Spalding. Your D's nerf.
Iowa City is where I get it back.
Home of old gold and the bliggity black.
Yeah, Austin went wrong.
Home of the bong. Lance Arm-strong. Barton Springs thong. Live music song. BBQ tong.
Lots of words end with -ong.
And that make me happy.
But not Texas.
Hot as fuck; ungrateful; crappy.
How did I stray from my pimp OC game?
Maybe it was me, maybe Coach Roscoe P Coletrain.
With his hustle. Recruiting bustle.
Yapping 'bout running like a goddamn Jack Russell.
Not one of us familiar with the writings of Paul Fussell.
Mack backslapping while I was...clockpunching.
Mack meeting alums while I was...snackin' dum-dums.
Mack livin' the dream while...I'm up craftin' schemes.
Sinking in complacency like a Roman trireme.
Perfect the 3 yard hitch.
Canned. Goddamn!
Now - ain't life a bitch?
He Marcia Brady; now I'm supposed to be Jan?
I'm gonna get Horizontal Corn on that ass.
Turnin' the other cheek.
But not like the meek.
Of that corn fed ass. Girl, I ain't forgot.
Run my finger on the brim of my golf hat.
One time.
Roll in a golf cart.
Two times.
Drop 26 of 39 for 181 on some athletes from Eau Claire.
Three times.
Feel me?
That was efficient.
My offense deficient?
Whatever, Purdue.
Drink your PBR brew.
You don't want this. Can't comprehend this. Won't take this.
Trying to ascertain the complexity that is me.
Stepping schematically to the G and the D.
I'm Edward James Olmos in American Me.
I may drop seventy; I may drop three.
The mean is my friend and that is the key.
Trying to assail my essence with your blitzing insouciance?
Ha ha.
Not your tendency.
Not today.
Cuz I charted that shit.
Graphs are immutable. Those lines continue forever.
Boilermaker, heartbreaker.
I'm the anvil, take your advil.
My sledge is like Percy, and I got no mercy.
Gonna press on. Keep on. Get right.
Get horizontal on that ass.
No, I ain't forgot.
H-O-R-I-Z-O-N-T-A-L
H-O-R-I-Z-O-N-T-A-L
H-O-R-I-Z-O-N-T-A-L
(whispers)....sideways.
(drops mic, folds arms, shuffles laterally, lights fade)
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Comments
"shuffles laterally, lights fade"
…
(snicker)
…
Iowa is so fucked.
by Dagga Roosta on Feb 23, 2026 3:28 AM CST reply actions
He earned GDGD in every imaginable way.
A life without Davis in burnt orange is a life heaven sent.
by utexex on Feb 23, 2026 4:10 AM CST reply actions
Well played, sir
Though I figured he would have tossed the mic to stage left
"Statistics are like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital." ~ Aaron Levenstein
twitter - @aaronbrotman
by Elm City Horn on Feb 23, 2026 7:26 AM CST reply actions
I'll bet
Gunner Kiehl is kicking himself for enrolling early in South Bend.
.
.
You Ain't Never Whipped... Until YOU Quit -- Tex Long, Seven Words of Wisdom
.
.
by longtex on Feb 23, 2026 8:08 AM CST reply actions
I may drop seventy; I may drop three.
I laughed, I cried, I threw up.
by srr50 on Feb 23, 2026 8:09 AM CST reply actions
Amazing...
But clearly there is a part of Greg that lives on in us. Like a fart in a jar. You just opened yours up and shared.
by LonghornScott on Feb 23, 2026 8:12 AM CST reply actions
Started reading in the voice of Greg D
Which unexpectedly shifted into the voice of Greg “Shock G” Jacobs.
by triplehorn on Feb 23, 2026 9:07 AM CST reply actions
Try it in the voice
of the guy who narrates HBO’s Hookers At The Point. It’s pleasing. Also, Christopher Walken.
by Scipio Tex on Feb 23, 2026 2:27 PM CST up reply actions
Is it weird
If I read everything in Walken’s voice?
by Sailor Ripley on Feb 23, 2026 6:59 PM CST up reply actions
It's springtime and the flightless GD is migrating
northward. Just not far enough. He needs to hit the Canadian League where the sidelines are more inviting.
as usual, great stuff scipio. however, I think it would bee fun to infuse some fresh blood, so maybe a future rap can be a duo or ensemble where you can tap out (and in) on the rap out? get a couple different voices going, NWA or Wu-Tang style. I’m sure BC has a few ODBs.
by Texoz on Feb 23, 2026 9:33 AM CST reply actions
sadly
most of my fellow contributors listen to a lot of Burl Ives.
by Scipio Tex on Feb 23, 2026 2:27 PM CST up reply actions
All you haters have been unfair to GD. He revolutionized the forward pass by changing its direction. He’s an innovator. Right now he’s working on a way to move all his receivers out of bounds before the play or some awesome shit you can’t fully comprehend. He’s 12 moves ahead of you.
And he’s a pretty good street poet, it turns out.
by Yossarian Rising on Feb 23, 2026 9:40 AM CST reply actions 2 recs
Regular football bores him. He lies awake at night dreaming of the East-West Shrine game.
Einstein was a bad student after all. GD is not bound by convention or dimensions.
by WreckerTex on Feb 23, 2026 3:09 PM CST up reply actions
That's just special, right there
GD was gonna drop that in iambic pentameter, but he thought ‘pentameter’ meant ‘more than five yards at a time’ - not his style.
by nobis60 on Feb 23, 2026 10:04 AM CST reply actions 2 recs
I had always suspected
Always had a hunch the reason GD wasn’t out recruiting on Fridays was because there was an open mic poetry slam to which he had already committed.
Formerly HoyaHorn on the Fantake side of the world.
by tronaldinho on Feb 23, 2026 10:17 AM CST reply actions
You had me at "What's up Iowa City?"
Single tear rolls down cheek. . .
by Holy_Cow on Feb 23, 2026 10:22 AM CST reply actions
Scary
“Hot as fuck; ungrateful; crappy.”
Hardcore gangsta’s always use lots of semi-colons.
"Most of my clichés aren't original." -Chuck Knox
by Dustin Brockelman on Feb 23, 2026 10:28 AM CST reply actions 1 recs
Prelude to....
http://collegefootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2012/02/22/report-greg-davis-accepts-iowa-oc-job/
"Most of my clichés aren't original." -Chuck Knox
by Dustin Brockelman on Feb 23, 2026 10:30 AM CST up reply actions
DKR said three things happen when you rap . . . and two of them are bad . . .
However, this wasn’t one of them . . . Great, great stuff.
by Cirque Du Salado on Feb 23, 2026 10:36 AM CST reply actions
"Sinking in complacency like a Roman trireme"
I am in awe. Bravo, sir.
I am THE DOOMBRINGER. We Are Cal.
by ManBearCal on Feb 23, 2026 11:24 AM CST reply actions
Was about to say the same for that one. Stupendous.
You must be thrilled to be crossing “Work a Roman trireme reference into a gangsta rap” off your bucket list, yes?
by Burnt Orange Wookiee on Feb 23, 2026 12:05 PM CST up reply actions
It was up there.
Next item: swing from a chandelier at a dinner party brandishing a saber.
by Scipio Tex on Feb 23, 2026 2:30 PM CST up reply actions
beautiful
If a man in college kills 5 hookers and no one is there to hear it or see it, can he still run for the Senate?
by longhorn35 on Feb 23, 2026 11:49 AM CST reply actions
Epic..
1. Truly epic. Well done sir.
2. One of you beautiful bastards needs to make a gif of GD doing the Hammer shuffle. Left to right. Right to left. Make it happen.
by Bobby_Batronic on Feb 23, 2026 12:07 PM CST reply actions
My only fears
are that DJ Monroe will transfer to Iowa for his senior season and Bo Pellini’s head will explode when victimized by the only coherent offensive game plan Iowa has its entire season.
Funny stuff as always.
by boorad on Feb 23, 2026 12:44 PM CST reply actions
Scipio - At the risk of an ascorbic reparte'
What does you do fo a livin?
Mostly, your writing skills and wit are uncomfortably outstanding. Have you published any grafitti public materials?
"Statistics are for losers, I like winning games!" Will Muschamp
by Snide Aside on Feb 23, 2026 12:49 PM CST reply actions
You're a Hiphopopotamus and your rhymes are bottomless.
Sorry, had to post that for some reason.
by WreckerTex on Feb 23, 2026 12:51 PM CST reply actions 2 recs
But were you freestylin'? F-f-f-freestylin?
Just saying whatever came into your head? And was there a picture of New York?
"ABC welcomes you back to Vince Young Field"
-Rose Bowl sign
by Andrew Wiggin on Feb 24, 2026 12:16 PM CST up reply actions
Wow...
Picturing GDGD doing this in my head almost gave me a seizure.
Well done Scip, well done!
by STLaw on Feb 23, 2026 12:53 PM CST reply actions
I'm not one for ball washing,
but that was brilliant
by Teamdirtyleg on Feb 23, 2026 12:56 PM CST reply actions
Ha, ha - well played
"Statistics are for losers, I like winning games!" Will Muschamp
by Snide Aside on Feb 23, 2026 1:14 PM CST up reply actions
He doesn't.
He just loves Iowa State.
Executive Producer - WRNL TV
by CyHawk on Feb 23, 2026 6:16 PM CST up reply actions 1 recs
Vasherized has called this
“Iowambic.”
I hear a different meter.
Something echt.
by Parlin on Feb 23, 2026 3:13 PM CST reply actions
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