SB Nation @ The Opening
by Scipio Tex on Jul 5, 2025 4:53 PM CDT
in Texas Longhorns and Other Football
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PrintI'll be attending the Saturday and Sunday sessions in Beaverton along with Bud Elliott and Wescott Eberts and we'll provide national coverage along with some state of Texas and Longhorn-centric perspectives.
Aside from the SPARQ testing on Friday, The Opening is essentially a de facto 7 on 7 tournament for skill players simultaneously held during lineman drills. The lineman drills are in pads. We'll have eyes on each group at all times, but the typical disclaimers apply for the 7 on 7 piece - namely, it's not really football so much as an athletic display. Coaches include: Dwayne Bowe, Jerry Rice, Ndamukong Suh, and Patrick Peterson.
Mainly, it's an interesting opportunity to see good prospects, evaluate how the best players from across the country stack up, and for me to write sentences filled with guru-cliche picked up by osmosis (When you're talking about a guy like Tyrone Swoopes you're talking about a guy with sudden suddenness and also a guy who is just one of the guys who screams out baller) .
Stay tuned. Happy to answer any questions or take (good) suggestions.
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your mission:
invent a new term and use it as much as possible. If I can’t google next week and find tangible evidence of your influence on the lexicon for teenage adulation then you have failed us all miserably.
by LonghornScott on Jul 5, 2025 4:59 PM CDT reply actions 1 recs
Possibles:
Vector explosion differential
Keynesian fast twitch
Flexible tibias
Medium space decisiveness
Interlocutory ambidexterity
Elite mandible-cloaca ratio
Pterodactytitis
by Scipio Tex on Jul 5, 2025 5:19 PM CDT up reply actions
extra points
if you can work a few Higgs Boson references in.
ex. Kid needs to work on shedding some up quarks, he’s really sluggish through the Higgs field to the quarterback.
by LonghornScott on Jul 5, 2025 5:29 PM CDT up reply actions
"He broke up so many plays,
they called him the Large Hadron Collider."
by LongHornedFrog on Jul 6, 2025 8:46 AM CDT up reply actions
void consumption ratio
tactical cognizance
erudite proletarian
"I was nice and didn’t go for a full cock shot" - LonghornEm
by UTLawGrad on Jul 5, 2025 5:43 PM CDT up reply actions
Some more thoughts
Outstanding circumnavigation (bonus points if someone repeats it as ‘circumcision’)
Core flex vociferousness
Swagocity
Romney-like change of direction (I know, I know, no politics)
Caracal reactions
Trapezius elocution
by nobis60 on Jul 6, 2025 10:22 AM CDT up reply actions
caracal reactions
I may also try jaguarundi ellipse.
by Scipio Tex on Jul 6, 2025 11:40 AM CDT up reply actions
Playoffitude
Has the makeup of a guy who will thrive in the new playoff era of college football.
by ColoradoAg on Jul 5, 2025 5:06 PM CDT reply actions
Some guys just have that playoff valve. It’s like nitrous in their car. Some players are still in BCS mode and just won’t adjust to the new landscape.
by Scipio Tex on Jul 5, 2025 5:22 PM CDT up reply actions
disruptive motive force
Guy has a DMF quotient off the charts.
The more mathy/physicsy you make it, the better the chance that people will hide the fact that they have no idea what you’re talking about and repeat it.
by LonghornScott on Jul 5, 2025 5:09 PM CDT reply actions
I haven’t seen a DMF ratio like that since LT at UNC.
What’s DMF?
If you have to ask, maybe you shouldn’t be here. Chuckles. Makes a getta load of this guy gesture. It’s Disruptive motive force, your highness. Who did you say you wrote for, again?
by Scipio Tex on Jul 5, 2025 5:25 PM CDT up reply actions
Felonious DMF?
Measures which kid will most likely etch the serial numbers off of handguns and then tote said handguns underneath the seat of his Honda Accord.
by Big(g) Ern on Jul 6, 2025 10:13 AM CDT up reply actions
The "IT" factor
You should talk about how someone has the “IT” factor, that rare intangible quality that makes the person a winner/baller/athlete/player//leader etc. But make sure you say that about every player you happen to be talking about.
by Fried Rice on Jul 5, 2025 5:10 PM CDT reply actions
also: girls at the registration desk, pedestrians, random passers-by
by Scipio Tex on Jul 5, 2025 5:26 PM CDT up reply actions
also
you must use the term “bubblicious” once per hour.
by LonghornScott on Jul 5, 2025 5:12 PM CDT reply actions
Bubblicious is a player who would thrive only in dome environments. Ideal Syracuse guy, IMO.
by Scipio Tex on Jul 5, 2025 5:26 PM CDT up reply actions
Can you hunt down Willie Lyles, get loaded, and maybe do a podcast with him?
A post on the etymology of the Street Agent or Handler would be nice as well.
by ColoradoAg on Jul 5, 2025 5:22 PM CDT reply actions
He work at a liquor store
Should be convenient.
by Scipio Tex on Jul 5, 2025 5:29 PM CDT up reply actions
Spec's
Lyles works at the liquor store in downtown Houston (Spec’s on Smith St) that is across the street from the bar where the agroids have their game watching parties (Pub Fiction).
by Randolph Duke on Jul 5, 2025 6:41 PM CDT up reply actions
Physicality
He has it in his fluid hips.
by pleaseplaykindle on Jul 5, 2025 5:52 PM CDT reply actions
Predator cloaking
Terminating ability
Governer
Total recall
or… the catch all to replace baller… Schwarzeneggar. As in that kid looks Schwarzeneggar out there.
by BurntOrangeJuice on Jul 5, 2025 6:07 PM CDT reply actions
I don't know...
I still like the concept. How do you not want a term for huge, semi-articulate guys who win the American dream and then try their hardest to screw it up?
We just need a safer variant. Maybe Schwarzenswagger? Ah-nahld quotient? (picking up on LHS’s valid point that if it has vague airs of science it won’t get questioned, we should use the word “quotient” whenever possible).
by Flipteach on Jul 5, 2025 11:54 PM CDT up reply actions
Air of science
“He came off the edge and just oxidized that QB”
“He plays with a lot of Gibbs free energy”
High coefficient of anything… “He has a high coefficient of man strength/coachability/instinct/speed/range/quickness.”
by BurntOrangeJuice on Jul 6, 2025 9:22 AM CDT up reply actions
“Has the flash to take down a Kennedy, but doesn’t mind doing the blue collar work with a latina.”
by ColoradoAg on Jul 5, 2025 6:32 PM CDT up reply actions 3 recs
Did you rec my post giving you a compliment?
That is so New York.
by BurntOrangeJuice on Jul 6, 2025 11:52 AM CDT up reply actions
Ha
I don’t think so. Pretty me-monster move.
by ColoradoAg on Jul 6, 2025 12:11 PM CDT up reply actions
Maybe someone just agreed with my rec enough that they felt compelled to rec my rec.
by BurntOrangeJuice on Jul 6, 2025 12:35 PM CDT via mobile up reply actions 1 recs
See, now I had to log in.
Just to rec the rec’ing of recs.
by Flipteach on Jul 6, 2025 2:47 PM CDT up reply actions 2 recs
AWTWQ
Tebow had and some people still say he has a very high one. Hell he practically invented this most nebulous but essential quantifier. The most intelligent of sports pundits and announcers use AWTWQ to explain outcomes on the field.
I’ll be interested to see who scores high in this area at the Open!
by RomaVicta on Jul 5, 2025 6:12 PM CDT reply actions
Jesus, Roma.
It took me a lot of brain racking to figure out that stood for A Will To Win Quotient. If I hadn’t summarily dismissed Tebowmanina and blocked all Tebow media dribble from my consciousness, I’m sure I wouldn’t have expended so much mental energy trying to figure it out. I’m still misplacing my anger about it on you, though.
by BurntOrangeJuice on Jul 6, 2025 9:14 AM CDT up reply actions
It's pretty sad that I could figure out that acronym
in about five seconds.
by Scipio Tex on Jul 6, 2025 11:42 AM CDT up reply actions
Yes. Yes it is.
It’s also sad that you didn’t write a classic ScipioTex piece brilliantly satirizing Tebowmania. Or did you?
by BurntOrangeJuice on Jul 6, 2025 12:38 PM CDT via mobile up reply actions
Ability to Will Team to Win Quotient
I thought everybody knew that one.
by RomaVicta on Jul 6, 2025 4:37 PM CDT up reply actions
Sideline live blogging
of a select event or two (with advance notice) would be cool.
And enjoy the perfect weekend weather in store. Phil has found a way to bribe the sun.
by triplehorn on Jul 5, 2025 11:55 PM CDT reply actions
apparently the method phil used is to sacrifice the rest of the continental US to the sun so the NW area is cool.
he prolly told the sun everywhere else was talkin shit and that oregon was the sun’s only friend in the US.
If You See Kay, Oh You
by texfan23 on Jul 6, 2025 9:11 AM CDT up reply actions
Carl Lawson
If you don’t engineer a commitment from this Alpharetta, GA freak-child to the burnt orange, this trip will have to be considered a failure.
I’ll still probably read your shit though.
by Vasherized on Jul 6, 2025 5:25 AM CDT via mobile reply actions
I expect you'll follow SR's mandate to cover the Sexual Awareness seminar.
Not sure if all the drills will be one-on-one or if there will be some seven-on-seven. Good major program preparaton IMHO.
by LongHornedFrog on Jul 6, 2025 8:31 AM CDT reply actions
See if you can get some scoop on these one-on-one coaching sessions
Dwayne Bowe: “Stare at your hands, Stare down your QB, Smile like a doofus - Three ways to respond to a drive-killing drop.”
“Balling Your Way in a Cracker-Ass Town.”
Jerry Rice: “Managing Late-Career Hair Loss with Style and Dignity: Mid-Skull Dreads and You”
Ndamukong Suh: “Cheap-Shot Your Way to Post-Season Media Awards”
“Rush Blindly Upfield Every Play With No Awareness of Trap Blocks, Despite Exhortations from Your Position Coach, DC and Admiral Ackbar”
by nobis60 on Jul 6, 2025 10:14 AM CDT reply actions
: Mid-Skull Dreads and You
That gave me a funny.
by Sailor Ripley on Jul 6, 2025 11:56 AM CDT up reply actions
My suggestions
Sudden hips
Situational vision
Depth around the edge
Reflexive speed
Playside awareness
Heavy momentum
Stable acceleration
To use them in a sentence: “Jama’al Warrick’s reflexive speed and situational vision make up for a deficit in straight-line speed. For a player his size, he demonstrates sudden hips and stable acceleration. He plays low with heavy momentum, and his accute playside awareness allows him to gain depth around the edge.”
Robots are everywhere, and they eat old people's medicine for fuel.
by BrickHorn on Jul 6, 2025 10:35 AM CDT reply actions
Shouldn't you simply ask..
…Craig James for some snappy new terms? He made a living by taking the obvious to undiscovered heights. “Swift quickness” comes to mind
"Texas has yet to learn submission to any oppression, come from what source it may." - Sam Houston
by stone_ruination on Jul 6, 2025 10:50 AM CDT reply actions
Just saw a picture on 247
of Gerry Hamilton talking to Prevot at the Opening. And holy shit that kid is skinny. Not positive, but I think he weighed in under 205.
Makes me feel better about being out of the running on this one.
Also, hear that Mike Mitchell is looking good in the various drills.
by Big(g) Ern on Jul 6, 2025 1:29 PM CDT reply actions
Looking good in drills is kind of Mitchell's forte
by Scipio Tex on Jul 6, 2025 1:31 PM CDT up reply actions
Figured that might be the response elicited
I am ambivalent on Mitchell, but there are an awful lot of people that seem to think he is the second coming of a deity.
by Big(g) Ern on Jul 6, 2025 2:23 PM CDT up reply actions
My take on Mitchell
Mitchell has a forward-propelling gait. He changes direction with emphasis. Not exactly net-positive in counter-side pursuit, but he will certainly hit you on the edge. Pros: has an All American-caliber shoulder span, strong hip depth, and a long-distance motor. Cons: slow pursuit off-angle, sometimes shy about contact on the edge, and overly rigid ball vision. Overall, Mitchell’s can-do coverage ability, strong ankle technique, and agile fundamentals make him a can’t-miss take.
Robots are everywhere, and they eat old people's medicine for fuel.
by BrickHorn on Jul 6, 2025 4:10 PM CDT up reply actions
"Has a forward propelling gait"
Me too. Except for when I’m walking backwards.
Good analysis, overall. Athlon quality. In fact, you should probably be expecting a call from them or Lindy’s very soon. I have a feeling they’ll find your diction appealing.
by BurntOrangeJuice on Jul 6, 2025 5:03 PM CDT via mobile up reply actions
Scip,
Has Tyrone shown evidence of making his long balls look more aeronautically sound?
by BurntOrangeJuice on Jul 6, 2025 1:46 PM CDT via mobile reply actions
Well he couldn't cut it in the Tour De France just yet.
Needs a little more work before he’s ready for skin tight biker shorts.
"ABC welcomes you back to Vince Young Field"
-Rose Bowl sign
by Andrew Wiggin on Jul 6, 2025 4:24 PM CDT up reply actions
He's Still Digesting...
The ramifications of 1st, 2nd, and 3rd segment climb gradients, the effect of altitude on fuel flow in Mach cruise, and the importance of hitting his windows in a stabilized descent before stopping in 80% of the runway as required by his permanence analysis. Just a few pointers from his position coach further amplifying what he meant by throw it like an airliner.
Other instructional gems that probably didn’t translate well to the young signal caller included 7 step drops like a river dancer, play action and the battle of Cannae, and Operation Fortitude’s impact on looking off safeties.
by Bobby_Batronic on Jul 6, 2025 11:14 PM CDT via mobile up reply actions
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