Spurs Fans Distraught, Propose 45 Minutes of Fasting, Reflection

by Scipio Tex on Jun 5, 2025 6:13 PM CDT in Texas Longhorns and Other Basketball

Spurs fans have vowed to fast for 45 minutes Wednesday prior to Game 6 in Oklahoma City in order to show support for a San Antonio team currently reeling from three straight losses in the Western Conference Finals.

"Neither fried chicken fingers nor churros shall pass my lips for almost an hour," vowed Spur fan Ben Abercrombie. "It's time to think less about ourselves and more about marshaling the appropriate spiritual energy so that Danny Green will stop being a complete piece of shit. Can I say that?"

Spurs fan Eddie Gonzales concurred. "Before these losses, I was all, like, Spurs all the way. Now, it's like, damn. So if letting my blood sugar get to dangerously normal levels will help Los Spurs, I'm down for the cause. Today, we are all Bobby Sands."

Alamo Height native Kelly Myers feels differently. "It's reckless to go that long without food. I'm hitting Applebees hard because I'm gonna use a lot of energy watchin' the game, screaming at Steve Kerr anytime he refuses to read a prepared statement that Tim Duncan is the best power forward ever after each TV timeout. And Wednesday is bottomless nachos."

Barking Carnival spoke to dietician Lee Anne Martinez-Horowitz about the dangers of fasting. She opined that Spurs fans who participated in the fast were not at serious risk.

"Research has shown that humans can actually go weeks without food and remain healthy, though it's not recommended. Spurs fans who fast for 45 minutes may experience some lightheadedness, but could also enjoy the benefits of better fitting shants and brief feelings of self-worth derived from something other than their professional basketball team."

Super fan Eddie Gonzales thinks there could be other benefits.

"Breaking it down for you, and I'm being real here, it's like this: we should never do a White Out again. That's not a slimming color. And our players were all like, damn, my retinas. It was like shooting in a blizzard."

Boris Diaw was asked for comment, but our correspondent was standing in the paint and could not hear him.

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Read More: Tim Duncan (F - SAN), Boris Diaw (F - SAN), Danny Green (G - SAN), Texas Longhorns, San Antonio Spurs

Comments

One of your best

And that’s high praise indeed.

“couldn’t hear him because he was standing in the paint”

I guffawed.

Maybe the Spurs would be in better shape if Tony spent as much time running the floor as he does lying on it.

by flamingmonkeyass on Jun 5, 2025 6:20 PM CDT via mobile reply actions

I love Tim Duncan, but I only have one thing to say

Go Thunder!!!!!!!!!!!!!

by RQ on Jun 5, 2025 6:27 PM CDT reply actions

Holy shit that was funny.

And perfectly encapsulates why I do not like San Antonio.

by BurntOrangeJuice on Jun 5, 2025 6:48 PM CDT reply actions

Awesome.

San Antonio as a city… kind of blows.

by ColoradoAg on Jun 5, 2025 8:04 PM CDT reply actions

still better than college station

Texas Fight!

by hookemkp on Jun 6, 2025 1:14 AM CDT up reply actions

Screw this

Anyone born and raised in Austin should be a Spurs fan. I love UT and I love the Spurs. Durant can wait a year

by atxdman on Jun 5, 2025 8:23 PM CDT reply actions 2 recs

no

Texas Fight!

by hookemkp on Jun 6, 2025 1:14 AM CDT up reply actions

Mean

but funny.

by Parlin on Jun 5, 2025 10:10 PM CDT reply actions

That's a T Shirt!

Vasherized, make it happen.

Follow @BarkingCarnival

by Sailor Ripley on Jun 6, 2025 11:09 AM CDT up reply actions

Shants?

I almost choked to death laughing.

by boorad on Jun 6, 2025 12:48 AM CDT reply actions

I hope the whole city can participate...people in SA def could use some dieting...

Texas Fight!

by hookemkp on Jun 6, 2025 1:15 AM CDT reply actions

It's funny because it's true

by Eskimohorn on Jun 6, 2025 9:02 AM CDT reply actions

"Lee Anne Martinez-Horowitz"

Do I see what you did there?

by OJsApprentice on Jun 6, 2025 11:23 AM CDT reply actions

I appreciate KD as much as the next guy

But this is a Texas team against an Oklahoma team. Which side are y’all on?

by HawkHorn on Jun 6, 2025 4:17 PM CDT reply actions

Obviously...

I’m on the side of the team that has the guy whose success will raise the profile of UT basketball. Or perhaps the guy who flashes a hook ’em in the pro league.
I have nothing against the state of Oklahoma - OU is a different matter :).

by Dreamawn on Jun 6, 2025 5:05 PM CDT up reply actions

WTF

I’m having a bad week. My favorite basketball team is getting run out of the gym, my favorite CFB team is losing recruits and one of my favorite blogs is slamming my hometown.

I’ll be ok tho, I don’t hate the Thunder (luv KD) enough because we havn’t had those nasty battles it took to reach the top. No Nightmare dream shakes the Rockets gave us in the mid 90’s, No cheapshot artistry the Stockton/Malone evil empire gave us a few years. No pesky/whiny/cry fest to endure from Sun fans. Definitely no douchbagery to be found like the kind you find in the douch bag capital of Texas. No epic battle to be found like the Lakers have provided the last decade.

Taking solace now, should my Spurs lose, I believe KD takes care of business against the prima donna/punks from the East. The Horns will re-commit RSJ and if you don’t like my town you can suck my balls!

"I drank what?" ~ Socrates

by Ese-De-SA on Jun 6, 2025 5:16 PM CDT reply actions 1 recs

Nice job, Ese

And you burned 14 calories writing that!

by Scipio Tex on Jun 6, 2025 5:18 PM CDT up reply actions

"I drank what?" ~ Socrates

by Ese-De-SA on Jun 6, 2025 5:22 PM CDT up reply actions

another 2

"I drank what?" ~ Socrates

by Ese-De-SA on Jun 6, 2025 5:22 PM CDT up reply actions

Sorry, Ese

San Antonio has burned me way too many times for me to say anything nice about it. Why, just yesterday within a span of 45 seconds I got sideswiped (guy fled the scene) and almost got taken out by someone running a red light - I even waited a couple seconds before going after my might turned green - and the offender laughed after he realized he almost hit me. That’s just a small fraction of the running list I have.

San Antonio would be a fine city if it weren’t for about 60% of the people there. You excepted of course. :-)

by BurntOrangeJuice on Jun 7, 2025 7:58 AM CDT via mobile up reply actions

Yeah, takes driving skills to navigate an organized derby

Although I’ve only had one accident driving 20+ years. (out of towner, her fault) So…maybe it’s you :-)
Stay clear of the highway if it rains BTW

"I drank what?" ~ Socrates

by Ese-De-SA on Jun 7, 2025 9:47 PM CDT up reply actions

Could be me.

What skills do I need to develop to keep my car from having all of its wheels stolen and placed on gardening bricks while it’s parked overnight in a gated apartment complex?

by BurntOrangeJuice on Jun 8, 2025 10:50 AM CDT up reply actions

Don't know

But if you find those skills my daughter could have used them to keep her car lock from jimmied with a screw driver for a $3 dollar car charger and some loose change. Having her apartment broken into losing laptops and then discovering her checks being forged. All in a supposed secure apartment complex a block away from UT campus.

Also fun was when we moved her to a rental a few miles away from the campus with some roommates. We were preparing to leave town to attend the RRR when some guy was knocking on doors and was caught off guard when we answered our door. He said he was with AT&T and wanted to have us sign up for services. We called AT&T and the cops and let the neighbors know they were being cased. I think a group of three were busted for B&E.

My daughter definitely wants to live in Austin. She will just take extra precaution.

"I drank what?" ~ Socrates

by Ese-De-SA on Jun 8, 2025 4:47 PM CDT up reply actions

Bobby Sands?

Honestly, did that just come to you as you wrote or did you browse Google? Brilliant either way. I went to Ireland when Sands was on his hunger strike to the end.

As always, you’re the most interesting writer on the internet. Thanks for remaining public for so long.

by RomaVicta on Jun 6, 2025 6:44 PM CDT reply actions

I knew who Bobby Sands was

Thanks for the nice comment.

by Scipio Tex on Jun 6, 2025 7:09 PM CDT up reply actions

I always like the Spurs because they were relatively thugless, but I'm not crushed since the Thunder

just eliminated them. Well done, KD.

But let’s face it. San Antonio is stuffed to the gills with obesity. No sense hiding it, even if you could. The town is friggin’ huge. It’s where Spandex goes for rendition. If you’re, say, 250, you could strut down the ditch and be a skinny bitch. Talk about mudflaps, SA’s got ’em.

by WreckerTex on Jun 6, 2025 10:39 PM CDT reply actions