2012 Preseason All-Big 12 Selections

I'd rather watch the homeless guy who panhandles outside of Walgreen's defecate in a bag and use it to threaten seagulls then have to endure the collective wisdom of sportswriters making their preseason selections; informing their opinion by running a finger across a 2011 statistics crib sheet labeled RETURNING STARTERS, and then trying to remember who someone once told them was good while critiquing the craft service table in Ames.

But it's mid-July, and y'all are going to endure this with me. So take it like men and women and start an anticipatory drip from your outrage gland. Actually, don't. I've seen much worse.

Damn. I can only offer minimal outrage on offense and most of their mistakes are differences of opinion instead of outright attacks on the very fabric of human rationality. Those come later on Defense.

QB - You have performed well, journalist-monkeys. Correct.

WR - This is a deep, competitive field. Should have gone three WRs. WVU's Stedman Bailey is a more dynamic threat than teammate Tavon Austin, though I appreciate Austin's Welkerian skill set. Kenny Stills should certainly have the stats based on sheer volume, but TCU, Baylor, Tech, and OSU will all have comparable arguments for their respective dudes and Stills didn't light it up sans Broyles. My long shot dark horses to join one of WVU's guys: OSU's Tracy Moore, and either Texas Tech's Eric Ward or Darrin Moore. Just a hunch.

RB - Brown and Randle are defensible, but I doubt this pairing is there at season's end. Tech's Eric Stephens should have a big year, OU's Whaley is healthy again, and Brown's Longhorn teammates could supplant him. It's not polite to point it out, but OSU's Jeremy Smith was more productive than Randle on a per carry basis (646 yards, 9 TDs, 7.1 yards per carry). Texas fans - you should remember his 140 yard on 7 carries.

OL - TCU's Blaise Foltz probably belongs up there. Ben Habern is there more from familiarity than clear superiority over Baylor's Ivory Wade and WVU's Joe Madsen, but whatever. Hopkins has a decent shot at being there, but needs to prove it.

DL - Jamarkus McFarland is a fun commentary on the league's DT play and the power of even negative familiarity. I guess he's capable of a big year, but no more than UT's Ashton Dorsey, TCU's David Johnson, or, for that matter his own OU DT teammates. Select four DEs, if you must. But don't blindly check a familiar name on the ballot.

LB - Cool. Though there are other correct answers here.

DB - Cue the sounds of Yakety Sax. Nigel Malone led the league in interceptions. Ergo, Nigel Malone must be the best cornerback in the league! Try this though: watch the games and observe KSU's pass defense. Nigel Malone is not a bad cornerback, in fact he's pretty good from a high risk/high reward perspective, but here are four better ones: Justin Gilbert, Carrington Byndom, Demontre Hurst, Quandre Diggs. When I tell you that you can have any Charlie's Angel, don't pick Kate Jackson. You know who doesn't get lots of interceptions? Champ Bailey. And Deion. And Revis. Try to guess why.

Which Tony Jefferson are we selecting at safety? The big play maker and disruptor or the guy who can't cover anyone?

DPOY - Alex Okafor

I guess as valid a choice as any. I'm not sure he's the best player on our defense. Would you select him over Vaccaro, Byndom, 2nd half of season Jeffcoat in a draft format?

OPOY - Geno Smith

I'm OK with it.

Newcomer of the Year - Trey Metoyer

The logic is straightforward: he's going to start, he looks good, OU is going to throw a lot, there aren't that many other candidates. Wes Lunt should win in a landslide if he's even solid, though.

OK, I've seen worse. Where did they get it wrong? Where did I get it wrong?