El Clásico: As Explosive as El Dragón

by HandofDog on May 2, 2025 1:59 PM CDT in Other Sports

Note: it's the football offseason, and there are plenty of fans of the other football around BC, so if it's not your bag, baby, click on to the next post.

On Tuesday, Spain's two biggest teams, Real Madrid and Barcelona, play. Again. Thanks to the two teams' success, this is the fourth time they've played in about two weeks -- to put this in a little perspective for the BC crowd, imagine Texas playing the Aggies on Thanksgiving, the next week for a conference title, and then again in a bowl game. Plus one.

But the cultural divide that separates Texas and A&M pales in comparison to that between Real and Barca, thanks largely to the Catalans' yearning for political and cultural independence, and Real's association with the Spanish monarchy as well as the dictator Franco, who was no friend of Catalonia. When these teams play, they're not two sets of guys in different color shirts, it's two groups of people, two regions, two colors teeing off against each other.

Adding to the passion is the fact that the teams have been so dominant in Spanish football, meaning that nearly every football fan in the country supports two teams: their local/home side, and Real or Barca. Between them, they've won 51 Spanish league titles and 12 European Cups/Champions Leagues; their rosters have been filled with some of the greatest players ever: Di Stefano, Cruyff, Maradona, Ronaldo (the fat Brazilian one) and many more. Even today they boast arguably the two best players in the world: Leo Messi for Barcelona and Cristiano Ronaldo from Madrid.

On every level, these teams compete: for Spanish league titles, for Cups, for European titles. They compete to sign the best players every off-season; Ronaldo and Messi have been waging a personal battle for top scorer in Spain, with Messi leading with an astounding 48 goals. The battle between their managers played out last week in the press, when Barca coach Pep Guardiola lashed out at continued goading by his Real counterpart -- and one-time Barcelona coaching staff member -- Jose Mourinho.

Their tactics and playing styles differ as well. Barcelona plays some of the most beautiful, free-flowing football you have or will ever see. When I saw them play at home in February, the ease with which they scored their opening goal was simply stunning, as well as their apparent disuse with traditional formations and a reliance on two defenders and eight attackers (often their most far-forward player was the "fullback" Dani Alves). Madrid reflects' Mourinho's much more defensive (and some say negative) approach, based around defensive solidity, holding midfielders and relying on a handful of flair players to create goals.

The teams played once in the league earlier this season, when Barcelona handed out the most comprehensive ass-whipping I've ever seen, winning 5-0 and dominating with 67% possession. It was so bad that towards the end of the game, the Madrid players were trying to kick their Catalan rivals, rather than the ball, but failed to connect with either. That result seemed to set the tone for Real for quite some time, but they are hitting a late-season peak and playing some excellent football.

Clearly there's drama here. Which means there's also going to be some comedy. For quite a long time, my favorite moment in the Real-Barca rivalry came after Portuguese winger Luis Figo swapped the blue and red of Barca for the white of Madrid. On Madrid's first visit back to Barcelona, Figo -- the team's usual taker of corner kicks -- was hit with a barrage of abuse at every opportunity, and then also had a pig's head tossed his way.

Yes, a pig's head.

However, that moment was matched during Real's open-top bus victory parade last week after their Copa del Rey win. Things were going great until somebody passed the trophy to fullback Sergio Ramos (who's always struck me as a stereotypical dumb jock). Ramos took the trophy and started jumping up and down at the front of the top of the bus, then proceeded to drop the cup… in front of the moving bus, which then did what moving buses do to objects placed under their wheels.

In this latest set of tussles, round one went to Barcelona, which went to Real's stadium in a league match and snatched a draw with a late penalty. This result essentially put second-placed Real out of the running for the league title, but perhaps spurred them on to success four days later in the Copa del Rey final, which they won in extra time. The teams met in the first leg of the Champions League semi-final last week (the teams play a home-and-home, with the aggregate scores determining the winner) in Madrid's Santiago Bernabeu stadium. The match was highly anticipated as a showcase for two of the best teams in the world; Barcelona ran out 2-0 winners, but the real loser was football, as the match was one of the most horrific displays of the game in a long, long time.

Madrid's strategy was two-fold: first, park the proverbial bus deep in their own half and defend, defend, defend, while launching the occasional counter-attack. Second, kick the proverbial three shades of shit out of Barcelona's players. For its part, Barcelona played its usual "tiki-taka" attacking game, but obliged the second leg of Madrid's tactics by falling over dramatically any time they encountered a force with the strength of a gnat fart. Mourinho's heavy-handedness backfired, as Real midfielder Pepe was sent off for a high tackle on Dani Alves; Mourinho himself got sent to the stands after winking and sarcastically applauding at the fourth official. Messi later rose above the fray to twice display his class and settle the tie.

This gave Mourinho a narrative, an opening he fully exploited in his post-match comments, where he alleged a grand conspiracy in favor of Barcelona, and against him personally. Mourinho's no stranger to controversy in the Champions League, much of it self-manufactured, reaching back to his days as Chelsea boss. He also alleged that Guardiola's earlier Champions League win was tainted by scandal, and this year's title will be, too. But the bloviating didn't stop there: Barcelona filed a complaint with UEFA about Mourinho's comments, while Madrid called on the governing body to ban six Barcelona players for "unsporting behavior", and have now also alleged that Sergio Busquets made racist comments to their player Marcelo.

Neither team covered themselves in glory last week, but the match served as a tasty entree into the second leg, to be played tomorrow at Barcelona's Camp Nou. Mourinho says that Madrid is out of it and only playing for pride (and that they couldn't overcome the dark forces aligned against them anyway), but at 2-0 down, it's not inconceivable that they could turn things around. But to do so, they'd have to come out of their bus and attack Barcelona, leading to the prospect of an exciting encounter. On the flip side, if they truly believe they have nothing left to play for, it seems likely they'd try to take their frustration out on Barca in less salubrious ways, creating the potential for another 5-0 embarrassment.

Either way, tomorrow's match will be compelling viewing. 2:45 Eastern on Fox Soccer Channel.

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Comments

A futbol player dropping a trophy is so hilarious. Good with his feet, baby.

Looking forward to your Barca / Man U preview… And whatever pillorying of Sepp Blatter you can muster.

Thanks HOD.

by Sailor Ripley on May 2, 2025 2:20 PM CDT reply actions

Soccer > bin Laden:

http://mediamemo.allthingsd.com/20110502/on-the-web-bin-laden-news-is-big-but-not-as-big-as-soccer/

by Sailor Ripley on May 2, 2025 2:33 PM CDT reply actions

I’ll be watching so I can see just who ManU will be beating at Wembley.

by Flamingmonkeyass on May 2, 2025 3:13 PM CDT reply actions

Thanks for the change of pace. I enjoyed reading that.

The passion is undeniable.

by Scipio Tex on May 2, 2025 3:14 PM CDT reply actions

You cover Texas Football and Futbol! Hay Madre de Dios! This is the greatest site ever. I heart you.

A shame that Real Madrid spends somewhere in the vicinity of $700 million on the current squad and takes that squad and plays with the ambition and creativity of Greg Davis’s Offense on rohybinol. They try to intimidate their opposition (see here Sergio Ramos attempting to be Rambo, Adebayor leading every challenge with his forearm, Ricardo Carvalho just an all around piece of crap wanna be “enforcer” and they complain when a guy gets kicked out for trying to karate kick an opponent. It does not matter if he did not touch him, the intent was to harm. (If Pepe was not thrown out then it would have been Ramos, Adebayor or Arbeola).

Barcelona is a treat to watch; it is what Texas fans have been dreaming about seeing on the field for years: A team that oozes talent and creativity, plays with ambition and daring. Strikes fear in their opponents, sight unseen. Goes for goal, plays to win and defends with abandon. Never backs down from a challenge. Disciplined mentally and tactically and a team you watch play and you feel like you should pay the price of admission twice because you get so much damm value for your dollar! Vamos Carajo!

by NoMames on May 2, 2025 3:23 PM CDT reply actions

Nice work, Hand of Dog. Looking forward to an extended lunch at Cuatro’s tomorrow for the second leg.

Let me summarize that last paragraph, NoMames, with Barcelona biases included. I enjoy watching both teams play but am loyal to neither. I prefer the Ukrainian leagues.

Barcelona is a treat to watch; it is what Texas fans have been dreaming about seeing on the field for years (SOCCER AT DKR? AY QUE PINCHE IDEA): A team that oozes talent (IT DRIPS FROM THE SIDEBURNS LIKE EXCESS HAIR GEL) and creativity (DIVE!), plays with ambition and daring (FORCE ME TO DIVE, I DARE YOU!) Strikes fear in their opponents, sight unseen (BECAUSE THEY’RE LESS SCARY IN PERSON, ALL MEASURING AROUND 5’4") Goes for goal (GOOD START), plays to win (NOT A BAD STRATEGY) and defends with abandon (THIS SEEMS RISKY TO A COUNTERATTACK NO?). Never backs down from a challenge. (…WITH THE REF) Disciplined mentally and tactically (POINT CONCEDED) and a team you watch play and you feel like you should pay the price of admission twice (YOU DO PAY TWICE AS MUCH) because you get so much (JEAN-CLAUD VAN) damm value for your dollar! Vamos Carajo!

SHOTS! THEN WE DANCE!

by Vasherized on May 2, 2025 4:03 PM CDT reply actions

A very intersting match tomorrow - could be fun to watch. Or a wrestling match with each side only having a handful of players on the pitch. Which also would be fun to watch.

I think ManU will have their hands full Wednesday. Nice lead, but the team is thin and beatable (see: Arsenal). I think ManU is in their own heads and subject to imploding. To tie back in to football: the amount of confused quit seen at a come from behind effort against Baylor. Or Iowa State. Or UCLA.

by Spastic Synapse on May 2, 2025 4:24 PM CDT reply actions

Thanks for the feedback, folks.

NoMames - I tend to fall in the Barca camp, and found Real’s thuggish approach last week intensely annoying. But Barca didn’t do much to endear themselves to me, either. Clearly the histrionics were part of the game plan and something that we could all really do without. They have the skill to rise above that, whether people like Busquets (a repeat offender) choose to is another matter.

It’s a sign of how bad things were for Real when I actually felt sorry for Cristiano Ronaldo saying he didn’t want to play the game this way.

by Hand Of Dog on May 2, 2025 5:46 PM CDT reply actions

I concur with NoMames. This is a great article.

You start doing this, that NBa writer, a little more NFL and I may not need additional sports commentary. Thanks Barkers.

by Tarvish McDonough on May 2, 2025 6:27 PM CDT reply actions

ManU will be fine against das Germans. ’04 are happy to concede possession which is a death wish against a Sir Alex team. Where the Devils struggle is against sides that press and are content to make small passes.

What’s that you say? Barcelona is going to be in the final?

Well #%^*

by Flamingmonkeyass on May 2, 2025 7:06 PM CDT reply actions

Vasherized…awesome. One question for you- Ukrainian League…is that what we call Hockey in North America?

by NoMames on May 2, 2025 7:19 PM CDT reply actions

Good stuff. Thanks. For those of you who enjoy the tactical side of futbol, I highly recommend zonalmarking.net.

As a United supporter, I’m looking forward to the likely clash with Barca. It’s helpful that it is a final, which has only one leg, rather than the earlier knock-out rounds, which have two. Beating Barca once is enough of a challenge.

by LA Horn on May 2, 2025 7:19 PM CDT reply actions

+1 to the Zonal Marking rec above.

For what it’s worth I don’t see Man U having too much trouble with Schalke at home with a 2-0 lead to sit on. Neuer was the only thing standing between them and a 6-0.

by Hand Of Dog on May 2, 2025 7:30 PM CDT reply actions

Whoa, how’d you get those little lines over your vowels?

by HoyaHorn on May 2, 2025 7:33 PM CDT reply actions

Neuer really was fantastic in that match. I hope SAF breaks the bank (er…asks the Glazers to incur more debt) to buy him in the summer. Hugo Lloris is solid and David de Gea has real potential, but when in doubt have a German keeper.

by LA Horn on May 2, 2025 7:38 PM CDT reply actions

A good piece, and a nice introduction for uninitiated as to why this rivalry means so much. The problem is that people who are soccer fans but not diehard Madrid or Barca are all suffering massive Classico fatigue at this point with the clubs having played 693 times in the past week and a half. I can tolerate the Clasico hype when it’s twice a year. This year has just been ridiculous though. It reminds me of the football segments Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force does where he gives out his “Stone Cold Lock of the Century of the Week”. Every Clasico is the Match of the Century of the Week. It’s all too much.

That said, Forza Barca.

I think ManU will have their hands full Wednesday. Nice lead, but the team is thin and beatable (see: Arsenal). I think ManU is in their own heads and subject to imploding.

As HoD said, ManU may be beatable but Schalke ain’t the team to do it. Watch out on Saturday though when Torres shows that he has been sandbagging for the past eight months or so and scores a brace in each half and Chelski steals the league title.

by bigdukesix on May 2, 2025 8:55 PM CDT reply actions

I hope SAF breaks the bank (er…asks the Glazers to incur more debt) to buy him in the summer. Hugo Lloris is solid and David de Gea has real potential, but when in doubt have a German keeper.

I doubt Bayern Munich will let him go so soon after purchasing him.

by bigdukesix on May 2, 2025 8:57 PM CDT reply actions

Neuer is auditioning for a new job om Wesnesday in the EPL.

by Vasherized on May 2, 2025 10:21 PM CDT reply actions

Fuck Barca and Fuck ManUre (bitter Arsenal fan here)

by Bighornfan32 on May 3, 2025 12:41 AM CDT reply actions

Neuer is going to Bayern and it is a done deal. His first-half display last week was the best I’ve ever seen from a goalie, sentiment shared by little lord fauntelroy, the Scot who manages that team from the Detroit of the UK, Manchester.

Pedro, Alves, and Busquets all gave Barca an unnecessary black eye by rolling on the ground like children every time they were touched. I do not like diving and do not sympathize with its practitioners. It must be said, however, that Madrid set out to kick the hell out of any Barca player that it caught on the ball and such a cynical approach will often be met with cynical diving. It beggars belief that a squad as expensive as Madrid’s would need to play in such a manner. Mourinho has long been a negative manager, but his counter-attacking style worked well at Chelsea because he had the best striker in the world, Didier Drogba, leading the line on counters.

Without a Drogba the strategy does not work as well. It is fair to ask why Madrid is playing a six across the middle in a stifling zone when it has the likes of Kaka, Ronaldo, et. al. on its side.

Hopefully tonight will be a better match than last week. I think Madrid should spread the field wide and attack down the wings. This will force Alves to sit back or he will be torched. Either way, Madrid has to like Adebayor and Oezil against PIque and Puyol, particularly on crosses. If I’m Madrid, I play Adebayor high with Ronaldo right behind him, and then I have Oezil play one wing and Di Maria the other, and the first ball out of the back every single time should be to either Oezil or Di Maria (or maybe to Adebayor, who should then play it out wide). That’s your best chance for goals.

by Toadvine on May 3, 2025 2:53 AM CDT reply actions

I feel sure I’m projecting my EPL/Chelski ManU concerns on ‘04. Epic collapse to let in 3 goals at Old Trafford and really don’t see that happening tomorrow. A Blues side smelling blood in the water is another story.

I’ll be tuned in today to Yahoo UK for relatively live updates on the game. Yippee. Hard to see the over the top fouls and over the top dives. But the whole work things just gets in the way. As noted above, I think the more attacking nature of what Madrid brings today will either make this a great, close match - or Barca counters and scores at will. Would be interesting to see Real in the Championship but the media blitz around Mourinho/SAF, Ronny/Rooney, Becks and Ruud played at both…would get old quickly.

(And I still waiting on a breakdown of how Blackpool will stave off relegation from EnglishAg…)

by Spastic Synapse on May 3, 2025 8:29 AM CDT reply actions

Little known fact: the real reason Toadvine is in Switzerland is that he’s been commissioned to start the Philippe Senderos version of Star Wars.

bighorn32: is there any other kind of Arsenal fan at this point? On the bright side, Arsenal would wreck in the Ukranian PL.

by magnusbleuveigner on May 3, 2025 8:42 AM CDT reply actions

Version 2.0 of the Swiss Star Wars features Djorou.

by Toadvine on May 3, 2025 9:41 AM CDT reply actions

Your oedipal complex is showing again. It’s Mesut Özil you Swiss chard.

Other than that I agree. Mourinho’s tactics in that first leg were baffling. You have to score goals at home knowing they’re tough to come by on the road. Nuh uh.

by Vasherized on May 3, 2025 10:13 AM CDT reply actions

Actually if you don’t use the umlaut then you are supposed to put an “e” next to the vowel where it should have gone.

by Toadvine on May 3, 2025 10:52 AM CDT reply actions

I agree that all signs point to Neuer going to Bayern. However, one analyst thinks the deal isn’t set in stone because (1) Schalke is pissed at Bayern and would love to sell Neuer outside the Bundesliga and (2) Neuer may be less enthused about going to Bayern today than several weeks ago. Conjecture, for sure, but interesting conjecture nonetheless.

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2011/writers/raphael_honigstein/04/28/manuel.neuer/index.html

by LA Horn on May 3, 2025 1:03 PM CDT reply actions

Look at Real’s starting line-up (per Yahoo UK live cast)

Casillas, Arbeloa, Carvalho, Albiol, Marcelo, Diarra, Alonso, Cristiano Ronaldo, Kaká, Di María, Higuaín

No Benzema, Adebayor, or Ozil

The chosen one is kicking a swerve… And adding to that: “we are hearing reports that Mourinho did not board the team bus, is not at the stadium or even in Barcelona and will watch it at home in Madrid. Not 100% but pretty reliable.”

by Spastic Synapse on May 3, 2025 1:33 PM CDT reply actions

If Bayern don’t make it into the Champions League and Man U end up winning it, hard to see him going to Munich. Unless the Glazers won’t stump up the cash.

by Hand Of Dog on May 3, 2025 1:34 PM CDT reply actions

I’ve always been a fan of soccer in general but haven’t committed the time and mental effort to really follow players, clubs, and schemes with any real dedication. I do know good soccer and remarkable talent when I see it. But I have to say, now that there’s an MSL club in my town, the Timbers, I can’t resist paying closer attention to the soccer world in general. I recently went to the Timbers’ inaugural MSL home game. The fans were nuts and the entire stadium stood for the entire match. Now they are 3-0 at home and it’s getting infectious. The fan excitement is palpable.

by triplehorn on May 3, 2025 1:43 PM CDT reply actions

This match is boring as hell so far. We need a rash tackle, goal, something…

by Hand Of Dog on May 3, 2025 2:01 PM CDT reply actions

Messi seems poised to grab one before half. I was hoping for an early Real goal, just to get things rolling…

by Spastic Synapse on May 3, 2025 2:23 PM CDT reply actions

by my count, 0 Real attempts on goal that half.

by Hand Of Dog on May 3, 2025 2:32 PM CDT reply actions

What channel are Polish league games on? From @polishscout on the Twitter:

“Pitch invasion immidiately followed last penalty that was scored by Wawrzyniak. Legia fans are now leaving the pitch, players too. Naked.”

by Hand Of Dog on May 3, 2025 2:38 PM CDT reply actions

Game over.

by Hand Of Dog on May 3, 2025 2:59 PM CDT reply actions

Well, that game wasn’t too interesting (nor was the Man U-Schalke match), but here are some stats for all 5 of Barcelona and Real’s meetings this season. Interesting stuff:

by Hand Of Dog on May 5, 2025 9:01 AM CDT reply actions