The Vow

Sorry, Scip. It had to be done. And yes, I actually watched this Greek tragedy with mine own two eyes. Don't judge me.

Saw it last month and it was an unenjoyable thread of pyrite from the execrable loom of recent movie-making. It's a vapid re-imagining of the old romantic heart throb series and it mocks the genre and itself; with a blissfully unaware hat tip to Hollywood's endless recycling of fatuous sap to turn a buck.

• Channing Tatum completely steals the movie with unsurprising dynamite areolas
  
• Sam Neill has a nice cameo, though frankly Laura Dern not getting cast as his wife was a travesty of epic proportions
  
• Scott Speedman plays the Scott Speedman character, which got old starting with Felicity. However, his last scene will leave you in minimal stitches and mostly nausea. Also a hilarious callback to a scene from Underworld: Evolution
  
• Rachel McAdams plays the Rachel McAdams character (minus the sexy brunette hair halfway through the film). Not tired of it yet
• It mocks the un-PC, environmentally unaware hipsters of today, which Tatum's character - a former mindless PBR drinker and clove chain smoker - laments, blaming the change in the hipster's balance of power on Portlandia. He commits a hate crime on a cold winter night and ends up having to befriend the Gastby crowd while the sensitive, fragile, insecure Rachel McAdams realizes she's now considered a Gossip Girl
  
• There are at least a half dozen unintentional laugh out loud moments and by today's movie standards, that's sufficient for a trip to the multiplex or an inclusion on your queue on Netflix
• If you're opposed to such lewd frivolity, go rent The Notebook, which you'll find the humor in if you've ever read some Nicholas Sparks books and shit