jones Top Ten - Week Three - 2011

by Barking Carnival Staff on Sep 18, 2025 9:41 PM CDT in Texas Longhorns and Other Football

Every time the Eagles’ Desperado comes on, it raises my stress level. This happens in some odd places, like behind the customer service desk at my neighborhood grocer where the girls are listening to some soft hits of the 70s and 80s channel. I think it’s called Magic 95.5 in my town, but I digress. You see, the initial and unmistakable piano notes take me directly back to Camp Summerlife in New Mexico, where Desperado was THE slow song at all the dances (She Believes in Me by Kenny Rogers does not have the same effect). It set off a mad scramble to find the right dance partner; if you are between the ages of 12 and 17, this is a life and death proposition. You hoped you were just a few short steps from your current love (crush, infatuation, curiosity) before the singing started or else you had to settle, or go outside to "get some air" with the kids too cool to dance. Even at 44, this stress only subsides by slow dancing in the kitchen with Mrs. Jones Top Ten, often an impractical solution, or by putting the Mojo Nixon classic Don Henley Must Die on the stereo.

College football certainly didn’t help this dilemma. There was no great dance partner. We all had to settle.

Oklahoma State 59
Tulsa 33

Yes, I just led my weekly look at the national college football scene with the Oklahoma State/Tulsa game. Because beyond the box score, which featured a 45-6 OSU lead early in the second half, the week’s best storyline was two teams kicking off after midnight and ending well after 3:00 in the morning. In Tulsa this likely meant the smuggled-in Jim Beam ran out early and the Oral Roberts students had to be particularly dedicated to hand out New Testament tracts post-game. Pity. At Cal or Wisconsin, it might have resulted in a full scale, God-knows-what-induced rave in the student section. Since when did weather delays become the continuing narrative of college football?

ESPN tried their best to convince us that this was some epic weekend: Road Test Saturday (or something). At the top of the rankings that was true. Oklahoma traded some big punches with Florida State. The Sooners should have run away from the Noles in the first half, except an absolutely filthy FSU front seven twice denied them from inside the three. Jimbo Fisher’s d-line is led by a real German, Bjoern Werner, who could have gotten out of bed and played for Jacksonville on Sunday. With a second-string QB, the ‘Noles tied it going into the fourth and then…

Oklahoma made all the plays. It was like 2000 all over again. Sooners 23, Seminoles 13. Good football? Yes. Epic? No. The Sooners win this game 9 out of 10 times, and that’s taking nothing away from the Seminoles.

I went to bed with very little to write about, hoping the late games would bail me out. Stanford’s allegedly dangerous road test at Arizona ended 37-10, Cardinal, almost an exact replay of last year’s game (Stanford 42, Arizona 17). Arizona played an exact replay of their Alamo Bowl loss to Oklahoma State last week. So next week I am going to go out on a limb and predict a 19-point loss hosting Oregon.

Utah and BYU were my last hope (hmmm, and maybe mankind’s; you can read about it in The Book of…never mind). Halftime: Utah 14, BYU 10. Final: Utah 54, BYU 10. Oh well.

Boise State allegedly had a tough test at Toledo because, you know, Toledo took Ohio State to the wire last week. Boise State 40, Toledo 15.

Boise State is better at every phase of the game than Ohio State. Assuming you actually needed proof: Miami 24, Ohio State 6.

You would have to be out of your mind to schedule Navy in a non-conference game. This year, South Carolina was almost the unwitting victim. Marcus Lattimore’s 247 yards bailed the Gamecocks out. If one thing is certain, Navy will never field a player like Marcus Lattimore. South Carolina 24, Navy 21.

Notre Dame throttled an over-ranked Michigan State, 31-13. Not only is Notre Dame better than Michigan State, the Irish are probably also better than Michigan and South Florida. Yes, I understand scoreboard. But I also understand the poorly conceived "ND is always overrated" trope. I don’t think it is true of this team.

Clemson ran away from Auburn, 38-24. You may either jump on the "Clemson is back" bandwagon at this point, or you may put down a hunskie in the Clemson embarrassing collapse pool. It’s still in business, even without Tommy Bowden. I’ll take week seven at Maryland.

Maryland made West Virginia very uncomfortable down the stretch, but the Mountaineers held on for a 37-31 win behind a big passing day for Geno Smith.

Florida beat Tennessee, 33-23, in the battle of young fiery coaches. At the moment, however, Coach Muschamp has a better roster than Coach Dooley, particularly Chris Rainey, who is not really all that into being tackled.

Texas handled UCLA with surprising ease, 49-20. Three early picks and a 21-0 lead helped. The Longhorns continue to play tough and smart, an improvement over last year’s ambivalent and dumb.

I have never bought into Arizona State as a threat to break through this season. Illinois didn’t either. Chief Illiniwek 17, Father Sun Demon 14.

Illinois is undefeated. Guess who else is? Fresh off their feature article in Sports Illustrated:

Vanderbilt. The Commodores crushed Ole Miss 30-7. Typically offensive domination for Vanderbilt means 16-9. The baseball team scores more points (I’m not kidding, the Vandy baseball team does score more points). OK, there was a pick six in there, but the ‘Dores still had 387 total yards.

Speaking of, on ESPN’s "expert breakdown" feature this week, Jay Paterno explains how Penn State uses a baseball mentality to run its offense. That might explain why they are uncomfortable in the 20s. Penn State 14, Temple 10.

Paging Nebraska’s defense, please pick up a black courtesy phone. Nebraska 51, Washington 38.

Wisconsin played Northern Illinois at Solider Field, which is cool. And Northern Illinois is really not bad, which is also cool. Wisconsin throttled them, 49-7.

Many others punched below their weight class (Alabama, Texas A&M, Oregon, Virginia Tech, South Florida and Baylor, who played yet another lightning-shortened game and beat Stephen F. Austin, 48-nil).

Arkansas fans aren’t thrilled with a 38-28 final over Troy. I thought the Razorbacks scored 50 without even game planning? It also took a while for TCU to shake Louisiana-Monroe. 38-17, Frogs.

Texas Tech’s Seth Droege completed 40 of 44 passes against New Mexico, which is an NCAA record. Yes, New Mexico, but still. I am not sure I can button a dress shirt correctly 40 out of 44 times; and that’s without any defenders in my bathroom.

Thursday night, LSU beat Mississippi State into submission, 19-6. They could have played eight more quarters and MSU wouldn’t have scored a touchdown. I can’t decide who the best player in the LSU secondary is. It doesn’t really matter.

Impressive Showing of the Week: Oklahoma, followed by Notre Dame

1. Oklahoma

2. LSU

3. Alabama

4. Wisconsin

5. Florida State

6. Boise State

7. Arkansas

8. Oklahoma State

9. Oregon

10. Texas A&M

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Number of teams by 2012-conference affiliation in jones Top 10 as of this coming Tuesday (if today’s rumors pan out):

3 = PAC 16
4 = SEC (if Baylor’s tacit threat doesn’t delay farmer’s departure)
1 = B1G
1 = ACC
1 = Blue Turf Conference

I’ll hang up and listen.

by Abe Lemons on Sep 18, 2025 9:53 PM CDT reply actions

3 = Big 12

Why are we disbanding?

by hobbeshorn on Sep 18, 2025 10:06 PM CDT reply actions

Not related at all, but I didn’t realize that VY had been beaten out to be the backup in Philly. I heard that Vick was injured, got excited and switched over to the game. I was really confused on the first play before I saw the name, because I thought I remembered VY having a little darker complexion.

by ut-06 on Sep 18, 2025 10:23 PM CDT reply actions

VY is hurt. Still the back up.

by UT-Rav on Sep 18, 2025 10:31 PM CDT reply actions

UT-06: VY is injured (hamstring) - he did not get beaten out for the Philly backup job.

by gilberto verde on Sep 18, 2025 10:31 PM CDT reply actions

Vince is injured.

by hg03 on Sep 18, 2025 10:33 PM CDT reply actions

It’s still in business, even without Tommy Bowden.

Dabo Swinney is Tommy Bowden minus the famous coach for a father. Clemson fields the same team every single year. They always have some outstanding individual talent, about five guys from each squad that I’d love to have on Texas, but they never coalesce into a solid team. This year will be no different.

Bjoern Werner is pretty beastly. I appreciate his Germaness, (Germanity?) and the fact that his high school was in my alma mater’s athletic conference. Not a whole lot of D1 football players from that neck of the woods.

I hate the fucking Eagles.

by bigdukesix on Sep 18, 2025 10:48 PM CDT reply actions

Huge trap game for OU next week with Mizzou coming to Norman. Their D is beat up, but their O could be potent with a mobile QB.

by quigley on Sep 18, 2025 11:08 PM CDT reply actions

We’ll find out this week if A&M or O$U belongs in the top ten. I think there have been more lightning delays this year that I can remember in the last 10 years. That and what the hell is up with all these pro golfers going to the long putter?

by KilgoreTrout on Sep 18, 2025 11:21 PM CDT reply actions

I hate the fucking Eagles.

That’s it. Outta this fucking cab!

by parlin on Sep 19, 2025 6:29 AM CDT reply actions

Kilgore:

Those things must be related. I am greatly looking forward to the Ags and Pokes on center stage.

quigley:

I think Oklahoma will kill Missouri. Sooners will be happy to be home and enjoy not being punched in the mouth on every single play.

BD6:

Couldn’t have said it better. Clemson just has a certain Clemsonness, no matter the season or coach. Arizona State has a similar disease.

It seems like Germans should be natural defensive linemen. They could be the Polynesians of the next decade.

by jonestopten on Sep 19, 2025 6:37 AM CDT reply actions

Excellent writeup as always Jones.

by Cbt on Sep 19, 2025 7:03 AM CDT reply actions

First we discover yesterday that BD6 doesn’t like southern hospitality, pretty women, country music, the 10th amendment, God, or mama. And now, the Eagles? Good gravy.

Next we’ll learn that he cusses a lot and talks with one of those annoying NJ accents.

Carry on.

by Abe Lemons on Sep 19, 2025 7:14 AM CDT reply actions

I’m with ya on the dress shirt. Thanks for the solid effort, good stuff.

by New Braunfels Horn on Sep 19, 2025 9:27 AM CDT reply actions

Yeesh, where’s all the stuff that’s usually posted on a Monday? Where’s the post-mortems? Where’s the “Monday” humidor sessions?

by One flag. One star. One state. One school. on Sep 19, 2025 1:54 PM CDT reply actions

Also, might want to see about upgrading that server, por favor…

by One flag. One star. One state. One school. on Sep 19, 2025 1:58 PM CDT reply actions

quigley said:

September 18th, 2011 at 9:08 pm

Huge trap game for OU next week with Mizzou coming to Norman. Their D is beat up, but their O could be potent with a mobile QB.

Don’t let facts get in the way of hopes and dreams. OU’s shaky on the road, but a juggernaut in their own house.

OU will bend Missouri over in Norman. Pinkel won’t have a chance to ice his own kicker in this one.

by ponderos on Sep 19, 2025 3:21 PM CDT reply actions

Enjoyable read, Jones, thanks. I’ve been having trouble getting this site to work all day as I keep checking for the post mortems and other tasty nuggets.

by RomaVicta on Sep 19, 2025 3:45 PM CDT reply actions

BC moderators, why are we being iced out of additional content?

by One flag. One star. One state. One school. on Sep 19, 2025 4:05 PM CDT reply actions

Say what you will about my agnosticism, dislike of most country music music, and abrasive personality. You will probably have many valid complaints there. I refuse to apologize for disliking the Eagles though.

I also would like to clarify that I was raised in New England, not New Jersey.

by bigdukesix on Sep 19, 2025 5:05 PM CDT reply actions

getting to this site today was like… well harder to do than some other things in life… WTF…

by Longhorn Josh on Sep 19, 2025 6:56 PM CDT reply actions

Don’t let him back together with Glen Frey.

by Juice on Sep 19, 2025 8:05 PM CDT reply actions

What have you done with their bodies?

by RomaVicta on Sep 19, 2025 8:16 PM CDT reply actions

Belmont hackers trying to bring BC down while realignment talks are at their peak? Devious!

by Canuck Horn on Sep 20, 2025 12:04 AM CDT reply actions

Sailor’s, Scipio’s, and Shuttleworth’s corpses are now lying in an undisclosed location next to Hoffa’s! I knew Mack was devious, but WOW. Who’s next? Tattaglia? Barzini?

by One flag. One star. One state. One school. on Sep 20, 2025 7:34 AM CDT reply actions

You guys were really on a role. But I see the strategy here. Not updating content = less visitors and faster load times.

by Mack Brown's Gut on Sep 20, 2025 8:44 AM CDT reply actions

I feel like Cab Calloway waiting for the Blues Brothers to arrive. I may break into “Minnie the Moocher” at any moment now.

Although 26 replies may be a new record for week three.

by jonestopten on Sep 20, 2025 8:50 AM CDT reply actions

quick Jones your thoughts, insider feedback from the team after the rosebowl win. You’re up on stage anyway…

by Mack Brown's Gut on Sep 20, 2025 8:57 AM CDT reply actions

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Nothing against your top ten Jones. Just booing the decision makers around here. Don’t take it personal. BOOOOOOOOOOOO

by Mack Brown's Gut on Sep 20, 2025 9:24 AM CDT reply actions

Seriously guys…WTF!!! Is there REALLY nothing that y’all can’t post? Can’t one of the moderators at least post a note explaining all of the recent interwebs difficulties were? You appear to have them fixed. But where’s the content? Did ya’ll get a cease and desist letter? What gives? Sheesh. Most of the people posting on here are pretty understanding and understand that shit goes sideways sometimes, but no response is just discourteous.

by One flag. One star. One state. One school. on Sep 20, 2025 9:43 AM CDT reply actions

What he said. We want our free sh@t and we want it now! And here I thought were going to take that 9.95/ mo longhorn profiteer down.

by Mack Brown's Gut on Sep 20, 2025 9:54 AM CDT reply actions

I’m personally okay with the 36 hour gap in new posts. I’m almost back to being productive at work.

Here’s to hoping that the new second hamster can keep the internet wheel moving.

by tackchevy on Sep 20, 2025 10:06 AM CDT reply actions

You guys wouldn’t be relying on Verizon for your internet access, would you? My verizon internet has been down completely for FIVE DAYS. “Huge equipment failure” says the girl with the thick Indian accent I get after “0”-ing my way past the unbeLIEvably irritating computerized cunt-bitch voice that tries to keep customers from actually getting any help, not that I actually got any, but she tried, at least, within the parameters of Verizon’s customer NOservice and I think I’ll end this sentence now.

I’m at the library right now using its facilities. I’m about to drop Verizon and go with someone else. Pray for me.

by lukerinthedark on Sep 20, 2025 10:15 AM CDT reply actions

Oh, btw, I was impressed with OU’s road win, not that I could follow it with my internet down and all…mumble…grumble…spit…hiss…

by lukerinthedark on Sep 20, 2025 10:17 AM CDT reply actions

The sudden silence of the carnival is distressing; a man cannot feast on a few meager burntorangenation crumbs alone….

by Arriviste on Sep 20, 2025 10:20 AM CDT reply actions

Lurker and Arriviste, well played sirs!

by One flag. One star. One state. One school. on Sep 20, 2025 10:40 AM CDT reply actions

I’m assuming UT had to negotiate away BC to be accepted by the PAC.

by tdwalsh on Sep 20, 2025 10:40 AM CDT reply actions

Worst deal ever!

by Daniel on Sep 20, 2025 10:43 AM CDT reply actions

So, news is out about Gilbert’s having shoulder surgery and being out for the year… which means he could apply for this to be a redshirt year and play 2 more years. Thoughts?

by selimsivad on Sep 20, 2025 10:50 AM CDT reply actions

Without new stories being posted in BC, my life is a little less interesting.

I need input.

by El Horn on Sep 20, 2025 11:18 AM CDT reply actions

Got to wonder if the GG news affects the use of the Ash package now, since we no longer have a 3rd QB if either Ash or McCoy goes down. Does Ash become strictly a back-up now?

I hope not, it seemed to me that Ash was beng set up to start passing a lot more for some unsuspecting opponent, i.e. OU.

by TXPride on Sep 20, 2025 11:24 AM CDT reply actions

I’m totally Zenning on the lack of content because I know good stuff will eventually appear. Right?

by Texan in Oregon on Sep 20, 2025 11:27 AM CDT reply actions

Good stuff already appeared with the Jonestopten. We just want more. I’m not zenning, I’m Jonesing. Maybe this thread is more appropriate for this discussion than I thought.

by RomaVicta on Sep 20, 2025 11:28 AM CDT reply actions

selimsivad, It seems as though Gilbert has been given tho out if he wants it… I do not think he fits into the HarsinWhite plan and the new recruits coming in next year will favor better. GG could potentially be 4th team as a redshirt Junior next year…

by Longhorn Josh on Sep 20, 2025 11:31 AM CDT reply actions

Holy shit, I thought the Gilbert shoulder surgery was a joke. Damn!

by txgeotech on Sep 20, 2025 11:34 AM CDT reply actions

Not that I expect a reply, but…is there some relation between the forums being stacked with spam and the server issues BC is having?

by HornbyMarriage on Sep 20, 2025 11:57 AM CDT reply actions

Hornby, that’s a good question. I don’t know. Maybe if one of the moderators would come on and grace us with a explaination, then maybe we would willing to quit bitching about the current loack of BC content….

by One flag. One star. One state. One school. on Sep 20, 2025 12:09 PM CDT reply actions

by One flag. One star. One state. One school. on Sep 20, 2025 12:13 PM CDT reply actions

AMBER ALERTS HAVE BEEN ISSUED FOR TIPSY GYPSY, SCIPIO TEX, AND JESUS SHUTTLESWORTH.

A white Crown Victoria sedan with University of Texas markings was seen in the vicinity of the last known whereabouts of the missing. It is unknown whether this is any connection.

by RedmondLonghorn on Sep 20, 2025 12:52 PM CDT reply actions

That’s the problem with these sites.. Everyone catches on and starts to rely on the info, then all of a sudden the person/people relaying the info say “fuck it” and it’s all over.. Good ride while it lasted though!

Hook em!

by CFSV on Sep 20, 2025 12:57 PM CDT reply actions

perhaps the moderators are teaching us a little morality play about moderation, by posting in moderation. Much like how Greg Davis teaches you about going forward by going sideways and backward.

by Arriviste on Sep 20, 2025 1:20 PM CDT reply actions

Hello….. hello……. helllooo.

ECHO…. echo………echooooo

by topo_gigio on Sep 20, 2025 1:20 PM CDT reply actions

Actually, Redmond Longhorn, I’m betting they are in Vegas on a multi-day bender celebrating the win over UCLA.

by topo_gigio on Sep 20, 2025 1:21 PM CDT reply actions

Seems to me the thing to do is simply wait and see what shakes out.. We don’t have an explanation for what is going on, but we also aren’t owed an explanation. If you are paying for the content on this site, then you are the kind of person who can f-up a wet dream. For the rest of us who are getting it free, I’d say sit back, crack a cold one and relax. If we get an explanation, then fine. If not, well that’s fine too.

by lazer2280 on Sep 20, 2025 1:39 PM CDT reply actions

They’ve got us on the hook for sure. I’ve got the BT’s (“barking tremons”, “the horrors,” “jazz hands,” “giving the invisible man a handshake” or “spirit fingers”) pretty bad.

I guess the rumors of SB Nation commoditizing the product lead to the breakup. Anyone have better info from 4th level and up sources?

by Mack Brown's Gut on Sep 20, 2025 3:20 PM CDT reply actions

My God! They still don’t have this shit figured out yet! Does PB know that this site has gone to shit?

by One flag. One star. One state. One school. on Sep 20, 2025 3:22 PM CDT reply actions

cue the tumble weed blowing by….

by Longhorn Josh on Sep 20, 2025 3:26 PM CDT reply actions

We had (and are having) server problems, people. So we’re in the process of migrating. If you want updates, follow us on Twitter. We’re not sending individualized carrier pigeons to your homes.

lazer, thanks for for a refreshing voice of reason.

I appreciate a good jonesing for content, but those of you actively throwing tantrums because a free site isn’t providing you with information at the time and place of your choosing due to an act of God, are hilarious. Get a grip.

by Scipio Tex on Sep 20, 2025 3:32 PM CDT reply actions

Twitter is the devil!

Thanks for the update, Scip.

by Daniel on Sep 20, 2025 3:34 PM CDT reply actions

I thought for sure it was a DDOS attack emanating from Belmont.

by selimsivad on Sep 20, 2025 5:06 PM CDT reply actions

Intersting as I was about to propose Game of Thrones-style raven delivery of a scroll of every post to my castle maester in the event of server problems, for which I will offer the hand of an unwanted daughter of my house with the greyscale.

by Arriviste on Sep 20, 2025 5:09 PM CDT reply actions

Scipio Tex said: September 20th, 2011 at 1:32 pm

“We had (and are having) server problems, people. So we’re in the process of migrating. If you want updates, follow us on Twitter. We’re not sending individualized carrier pigeons to your homes.

lazer, thanks for for a refreshing voice of reason.

I appreciate a good jonesing for content, but those of you actively throwing tantrums because a free site isn’t providing you with information at the time and place of your choosing due to an act of God, are hilarious. Get a grip."

See now, was that hard? An explanation! That’s all we needed. You’re lucky to have so many fans and readers who give a shit. We can just as easily quit giving a shit if you’d prefer? Whether or not you choose to believe it, you and your fellow moderators have conditioned your readers and fans to expect content following a Longhorn game. We’ve come to expect it, and when nothing is posted regarding said game, people then start wondering. We’re not stupid. we’ve all noticed the load times have increased. That’s been going on for a while. But when you refuse to at least leave some kind of info regarding y’all’s server difficulties, it makes a reader start to think. Are we not good enough for a heads-up? Hmmm. Maybe you can answer that? Are you the same sort of guy who gets mad at his wife because she in-turn was mad at him when he showed up 3 hours late from work and didn’t even bother to give her a heads-up? We all figured something was up with the server, we just wanted confirmation from you or others. You’re always lauding how BC has some of the smartest and savviest readers, then why don’t you retract your bull-shit chiding and start treating us that way? You’re a smart guy, but your arrogance has made you appear hypocritical with your retort “I appreciate a good jonesing for content, but those of you actively throwing tantrums because a free site isn’t providing you with information at the time and place of your choosing due to an act of God, are hilarious. Get a grip.” You were just fine until that little bit. You went a lil’ over the top with that. We’re not Bomani Jones, and we aren’t trying to match wits with you. We’re fans, great fans of yours. And we’ll continue to be fans of yours, with maybe just a slightly diminished opinion of you.Thanks for all of the great stuff you do and write. Truly, thanks, and I’m sorry for any irritation I caused.

by One flag. One star. One state. One school. on Sep 21, 2025 6:12 AM CDT reply actions